


Insomnia Cookies

by aceschwarz222



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Cookies, Fluff, Insomnia, Insomnia Cookies, Light Angst, Nightmares, Protective Bucky Barnes, teenage character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-09-28 11:37:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 23,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10098920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceschwarz222/pseuds/aceschwarz222
Summary: After waking up from another nightmare, Bucky finds himself wandering around the city in the middle of the night. He winds up at the local Insomnia Cookies where he meets a kid who reminds him that he is more than the monster in his dreams. Part one of the series.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First series! The reader is a teenager (more on her backstory later). Let me know if there is anything you would like to see in the upcoming parts!

Bucky stared at the neon sign above him. After waking up breathless in a cold sweat from yet another nightmare, he had pulled on some clothes and bolted out of the Avengers Tower. At least he hadn’t torn the sheets on his bed to shreds this time. Steve hated that Bucky walked around the city in the middle of the night. But what Steve couldn’t understand was that the Tower felt suffocating after a nightmare. The walls seemed to close in on Bucky with each shaky breath. So, he walked. And walked. And walked. The city was peaceful this late (or early) in the evening. Somehow, on this particular wandering, he wound up at this store.

The dark blue light emanating from the sign seemed to soothe Bucky’s still shaking breath. He stared at the cookie logo and felt his stomach rumble. Without really thinking, he pulled open the door and stepped inside. His senses were immediately overtaken with the sweet smells of the shop. It seemed to be ten degrees warmer inside, and it was almost as if he could feel the color returning to his cheeks. He inhaled and savored the aroma of chocolate chips, peanut butter, oatmeal and cinnamon. As if in a trance, he walked over to the display case and gazed longingly at the variety of cookies. He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten a cookie. Okay, there was that batch of chocolate chip cookies Clint tried to make last week, but they had looked more like charcoal than cookies. So really, he couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten a  _ good _ cookie. 

He looked up and noticed the cashier eyeing him warily. Bucky could only imagine what he must look like to this stranger. Hair wild from a restless sleep, eyes red with dark bags under them, old clothes that barely put together an outfit...yup, he must be making a great impression. Bucky cleared his throat and asked, “Uh, can I have two chocolate chip cookies?” The cashier nodded and quickly put two cookies in a small bag. “That’ll be $5,” the cashier said.

Crap. Money. In his haste to leave the Tower, he had completely forgotten to take money. Bucky felt his breathing get shallow and his face heat up. What the heck had he been thinking? Of course you need money to buy two damn chocolate chip cookies. Just as Bucky was planning his escape route, someone handed a $5 bill to the cashier. He turned sideways and saw a girl standing next to him. She smiled up at him and walked back over to a table in the corner of the shop. She sat down, picked up the book next to her half-eaten cookie and continued to read. Before Bucky could say anything, the cashier handed him his bag. Bucky nodded his thanks and backed away from the counter. He walked over to the table with the girl and cleared his throat. She looked up from her book and smiled when she saw it was him.

“Um...thanks,” Bucky said, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“No problem,” the girl said, shyly. “No one should be denied some of the best cookies in the city.” Bucky continued to stare at her, not sure what to do next. Just as he had decided to leave, she spoke again. 

  
“Do you want to sit down?” 


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After waking up from another nightmare, Bucky finds himself wandering around the city in the middle of the night. He winds up at the local Insomnia Cookies where he meets a teenager who reminds him that he is more than the monster in his dreams.

**_Previously…_ **

_ Bucky continued to stare at her, not sure what to do next. Just as he was about to leave, she spoke again. _

_ “Do you want to sit down?” _

 

Bucky could only stare at her. She was dressed in plaid pajama pants, a dark sweatshirt that looked two sizes too big, and sneakers. She couldn’t have been older than 15 or 16, yet she was inviting one of the world’s most dangerous assassins to sit and eat cookies with her.  _ That’s not who you are anymore,  _ he mentally chided himself. For some reason, he wanted to accept her invitation. She seemed innocent enough. Probably not an ex-HYDRA agent or some pissed off government official. Plus, she  _ had _ paid for his cookies.  _ Five minutes,  _ he thought to himself.  _ I can function like a normal member of society for five minutes. _ He nodded briefly and sat down. He discreetly pulled his sleeve over his left hand so the metal wasn’t visible. Opening the bag with his right arm, he grabbed a cookie and took a hungry bite. His taste buds danced at the rich taste of the chocolate chunks and the soft, warm, doughy part of the cookie. He sighed contentedly and looked across at the girl. She was still smiling, and Bucky couldn’t help but smile back.

“I’m Y/N, by the way. So what brings you here so late at night?” she inquired. “No offense, but from the look of it, this wasn’t a planned stop.”

Bucky wasn’t expecting the kid to be so direct. He considered her question before replying, “Just needed to walk, I guess. Get out of the Tow-...my apartment for a bit.” Y/N nodded thoughtfully and replied, “Yeah, me too.”

“Should you really be out this late at night by yourself?" Bucky asked. "Don’t you have school or something soon?” Bucky took another bite of his cookie. Man, these things were good.

“Well, first of all, I’m on break. And my foster dads live in the apartments right across the street.” She pointed to the brownstone building outside. "They’re nice, but I don’t sleep well all the time. This is the only place open close to them. I eat a cookie, read a bit, get tired again and go back to their place.” Bucky noticed how she didn’t call it her home.  _ So the kid’s an orphan. Kinda like Steve was,  _ he thought. He grabbed the second cookie from the bag and bit down on a particularly chocolatey part. Before he knew it, warm, gooey chocolate covered his mouth.

Y/N giggled and handed him a napkin from the dispenser on the table. He liked the way she sounded. She wasn’t afraid of him, which was a welcome change from other people he had met. Then again, she didn’t really know who he was.

“Should you really be out this late?” she countered after he cleaned himself up. “Shouldn’t Bucky Barnes be well-rested so he can save the world?”


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, Bucky's busted!

**_Previously…_ **

_ “Should you really be out this late?” she countered. “Shouldn’t Bucky Barnes be well-rested so he can save the world?” _

She grinned slyly at her last question, and his mouth gaped open in shock. “Dude, it’s rude to chew with your mouth open,” she said. Bucky snapped his mouth shut. “I saw your arm when you came in,” she continued. “Don’t worry, the guy at the counter didn’t see it. I’m pretty sure your crazy hair scared him so much he didn’t even notice your arm.” She took out a cell phone and snapped a picture. Turning the screen to face him, she said, “See? Crazy hair.” 

Bucky looked at his picture and couldn’t help but grimace. She was right, his hair was a mess. His whole face looked tired and worn down, if he was being honest with himself. He didn’t really want to explain his nightmares to Y/N, so he settled for finishing the last of his second cookie. Y/N’s stomach sank as his demeanor changed. “Hey,” she said, softly, “I’m sorry. I was just trying to be funny.” She put the phone away and looked down. “It’s okay, kid,” Bucky said. Y/N looked up hopefully and smiled again. Bucky couldn’t help but smile back. They sat in silence, Y/N not wanting to say anything else to make him upset, and Bucky not wanting to scare her. It wasn’t a completely uncomfortable silence though. Finally, as Y/N eyes began to droop, she stood up and got ready to leave.

“Here, let me walk you to your place,” Bucky said, standing up as well.

“It’s right there. I’ll be fine,” Y/N replied. But he followed her out the door and across the street anyway. Y/N looked up at him in awe as they walked the short distance. He didn’t know her, not really, but he still wanted to make sure she got home okay. It felt nice. Bucky was different from some of the other adults in her life. Y/N and Bucky paused at the door to her building. “Night, kid,” Bucky said, as he turned to walk back to the Tower.

“Hey, Bucky?” Y/N asked shyly. He turned around to look at her. She took a deep breath before continuing. “Uh, do you want...I mean...would you mind, um...can I have a hug?”


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky Barnes finally gets the hug he deserves!!!

**_Previously…_ **

_ “Hey, Bucky?” Y/N asked shyly. He turned around to look at her. She took a deep breath before continuing. “Uh, do you want...I mean...would you mind, um...can I have a hug?” _

 

A hug? Bucky was floored. He definitely didn’t remember the last time he had gotten one of those. Especially not from some kid he had just met. It’s not that he necessarily _didn’t_ want one, but he certainly didn’t think he was qualified to give one. He remembered hugs could help people feel better. How could he do that when it felt like he couldn’t even help himself most of the time?

He must have let his silence hang in the air too long because Y/N shook her head and said, “Nevermind, I’m sorry. That’s way too much to ask.” She mentally cursed herself for being so stupid. Of course he wasn’t going to hug her! He was an Avenger who walked around the city in the middle of the night. Clearly, he had other more important things to think about. Plus, it’s not like they even talked that long at the cookie shop.  _ Foot, meet mouth,  _ she thought dejectedly. She had just reached the door to her foster dads’ building when she heard his deep voice say, “Wait.”

Y/N turned around to find Bucky standing there. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Finally, he walked closer. Now that he had basically given permission for the hug, he realized he had no clue what to actually do. He didn’t need to worry though because Y/N slowly stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. His breath hitched in the back of his throat, and he carefully hugged back with his right arm, leaving his left one to dangle at his side. He wasn’t ready for that yet. He could feel her heartbeat against his chest, and the top of her head barely reached above his chest. She felt small in his arms, and the hug itself felt so pure, so vulnerable. Bucky realized Y/N was rubbing small circles on his back. He blinked back tears at the kind movement, and the weight of the night left his shoulders. His eyes closed, and he relaxed into the hug. He never thought he could need a hug so much at this moment, but his emotions told him otherwise. For whatever reason, this particular hug felt right. The reason why he was out here so late at night seemed to slip away as they continued to stand in front of the building in their embrace.

He felt his sweatshirt dampen and realized that she was crying.  _ She must need this as much as I do,  _ he thought. He remembered her mentioning her foster parents. Clearly, there was a story there, and Bucky couldn't help but feel sad for her. He gently tightened his hold, as if trying to protect her from whatever was making her cry. He wished he could do more, but for now, this had to be enough. 

After a few more minutes, Y/N finally pulled back and sniffled. She used the sleeve of her sweatshirt to wipe away her tears. “Thank you,” she said softly, “I really needed that.” She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. A small smile returned to her face. “I hope you feel better and get some sleep, Bucky.” Bucky smiled. “Thanks, Y/N.” She turned around and opened the door.

“Hey, Y/N?” Bucky called. Y/N turned around and looked at him. “It’ll be okay.” Bucky really wasn’t sure what  _ it  _ he was referring to, but it seemed like the right thing to say. Y/N contemplated what he said, and gave a small nod. “I think you're probably right. It was nice meeting you Bucky.” She gave Bucky a tiny wave, and disappeared into the building.

Bucky waited until he was sure enough time had passed for her to get to her apartment, and he began the trek back to the Tower. He felt light, free even. He couldn’t stop that smile that invaded his face. But most importantly...

Bucky felt human again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know this seems like the end, but it's not. I want to add more to this story, but this was as far as I got right now. Thanks for reading!


	5. The Second Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky runs into Y/N at the grocery store a little over a month after The Hug.

Bucky pushed the grocery cart down the cereal aisle as Sam and Nat argued over what was better: Captain Crunch or Cocoa Puffs.    
  
“I’m telling you Romanov, there is nothing better than a bowl of delicious chocolatey goodness in the morning,” Sam said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively as he grabbed a box of his favorite cereal.

“Who cares about chocolate? Everyone knows the prizes in Captain Crunch are cooler,” Nat replied. Steve just shook his head and grabbed a box of Shredded Wheat Thins. “I just don’t want to hear you two complain when we’re on a mission and you’re dealing with a sugar crash,” he said to his bickering friends.

“I can’t trust anything coming from the man who eats bricks of wheat for breakfast. Live a little, Cap,” Nat quipped. She grabbed Steve’s Wheat Thins out of his hands and started playing a game of keep away with Sam. Steve let out a frustrated groan as he tried to get his cereal back. “Come on guys, give it back! It’s not funny!” he exclaimed. The people at the end of the aisle were starting to stare at the commotion. Bucky pulled the sleeve of his Henley over his left hand and lowered his head in embarrassment. He would have rather stayed home and let everyone else get groceries, but Steve insisted he tag along to help develop his “social skills.”

“‘I’m going to get pasta,” Bucky mumbled. He maneuvered the cart and left his friends behind. He let out a sigh as he made his way over to the next aisle. There was no one down here which was how he liked it. Calm and quiet. He stared at his pasta options carefully. It still felt weird to be able to make his own choices. Everything had been decided for him for so long that he didn’t always know how to handle his newfound freedom. He decided he liked the way the bowtie pasta looked, so he grabbed two boxes.  _ Better make that three boxes with the way the team eats,  _ he thought. Just as he was about to grab an extra box, a voice behind him said his name.

He turned around cautiously and found Y/N standing there with a shy smile on her face. It had been over a month since The Hug, but she looked pretty much the same. She was still wearing the too-big sweatshirt and sneakers, but her plaid pajama pants were replaced by jeans. She held a basket that contained a container of ice cream, and, of course, a package of chocolate chip cookies. Bucky, on the other hand, looked quite different with a shorter haircut and a (mostly) clean-shaven face.

“Hi,” she said softly, “I thought that was you.” Bucky stared at her and then broke into a smile. “Hey kid,” he replied. Y/N shifted on her feet and Bucky leaned against the cart. Neither of them noticed the group that had formed at the opposite end of the aisle. Finally, Y/N broke the silence and said, “You look really good. I almost didn’t recognize you without the crazy hair and sleep deprived eye bags.” Bucky laughed loudly at her direct remark.  Y/N couldn’t help but laugh with him, and soon they were lost in a fit of giggles.

At the other end of the aisle, Sam, Natasha, and Steve stared in astonishment. “Holy shit,” Nat whispered, “Is Barnes laughing? On purpose?” Sam shook his head and said, “You mean Tin Man has a personality?” Steve was too stunned to speak. He couldn’t remember the last time he heard Bucky laugh like that. He tried to walk forward to meet this stranger, but Nat grabbed his arm. “Wait,” she said. “Let’s just see where this goes.”

Bucky and Y/N finally stopped laughing. “How are you doing, kid?” Bucky asked. “Things going okay?” Y/N nodded. “How are things with your, uh, foster dads, right?” She shyly nodded again. “It’s not so bad. They’re nice. Different from...um...they’re just different.” She shrugged her shoulders, and Bucky decided not to push further. Instead he asked, “How’s the cookie shop doing?” Her eyes lit up and her smile got wider as she started to ramble. “I’ve actually been sleeping better! I haven’t had to go out for my cookie fix in the middle of the night anymore. I mean, I went over a few times to see if you would come, but you didn’t. I figured that meant you were okay. Or that you’d found another cookie shop. I mean, I hope it was because you were okay. Are you okay?” She finally paused and inhaled. Bucky let out a light laugh. “Yeah, I’ve been okay. Been busy.”

Y/N tucked her hair behind her ear. “Um, do you still visit cookie shops?” she asked, carefully. Bucky’s smiled waned a little. “Sometimes. But I have some closer to home.” Y/N nodded. “Good.” She paused again and looked down at her basket. “Um, I should probably get going. My foster dads are over in produce. I don’t want to keep them waiting.” She took a few steps backward toward the end of the aisle and waved. “Bye, Bucky.”

Bucky’s heart melted. She was just a kid, a stranger, yet he couldn’t help but feel connected to her. The nightmares still invaded his sleep on a fairly consistent basis, but they didn’t seem so suffocating once he woke up. They didn’t seem so impossible to overcome.

Remembering how their last interaction ended, an idea popped into Bucky’s head. He called out, “Y/N!” She stopped and watched as Bucky moved next to his cart and held his right arm open. Y/N bit her bottom lip and smiled shyly as she put her basket down and walked back over. Bucky pulled her into his arm and she wrapped hers around his back. He couldn’t do much to help her, but he could do this.

Sam, Nat, and Steve’s mouths all fell open. Bucky Barnes, their Bucky, had initiated a hug. Cookie shops? Hugs? Who was this person and what did they do with Bucky?

Y/N and Bucky pulled apart. It wasn’t a long hug, but it was enough. She made her way back over to her basket and picked it up. A few seconds later, she turned at the end of the aisle and disappeared.

Bucky, still smiling, turned around and saw his friends standing there. Not noticing their thoroughly shocked expressions, he grabbed another box of bowties, held it up and said,

“Hey guys, I got the pasta.”


	6. 10:25pm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After waking up from a nightmare about Y/N, Bucky checks on her to make sure she's okay.

Bucky jolted awake, his body dripping with sweat. His breathing became ragged as his eyes began to lose focus. He yanked the blankets off his bed and collapsed onto the cool floor. Leaning on his hands and knees, he sucked deep breaths of air in through his nose and into his lungs as he tried to regain some semblance of control over his body.  _My name is James Buchanan Barnes,_  he thought. _I am in control. My name is James Buchanan Barnes. I am in control._  On and on he repeated this mantra until his breathing stabilized and he could see clearly. He sat up on his heels and took a deep breath. The clock on the nightstand read 10:25pm. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh. He had tried going to bed at all different hours of the night to avoid the dreams, but it never seemed to matter. Tonight’s decently early night didn’t seem to be an exception.

The nightmares usually followed the same pattern of flashbacks and torture. Sometimes the demons took people he cared about and brought them into the nightmare with Bucky. Tonight, it had been Y/N. Bucky couldn’t help but think seeing her last week at the grocery store had triggered his most recent nightmare. After seeing her twice, he knew he was attached to her now. It was stupid getting attached to people, to a kid no less, but he couldn’t help it. 

Bucky looked around at the mess he made on his bed. Sweat-soaked sheets were mangled in a heap on the floor, and his blanket managed to make it halfway across the room when he kicked it. There was a hole in one of his pillows, and he could only assume he had punched through it with his metal arm in his nightmared stupor. He didn’t feel like fixing his bed. In fact, he didn’t feel like going to bed. He shuddered when he thought about what the monsters in his head had done to her. “She’s fine. She’s safe,” he said aloud. The darkness in his room didn’t respond, and for a moment, he doubted his statement. “She’s fine. She’s safe,” he whispered. But how did he really know?

He stood up and got dressed. Grabbing his wallet, he quietly made his way through the Avengers Tower and out to the garage. Opting to take a car instead of walking, he drove through the city streets to the familiar cookie shop downtown. He parked the car in front of Y/N’s apartment building and took the keys out of the ignition. Okay, genius, you’re here. Now what? he thought. He tapped the steering wheel impatiently, realizing how ridiculous his plan actually was. What was he going to do, knock on every door in the building until she answered? He actually considered this plan for a moment then thumped his head against the back of the seat and sighed.  _Just go back, Barnes. She’s fine. The building is still here, she’s probably asleep. You know, like you should be?_ Bucky was about to head home when the door to the apartment building opened.

Here’s the funny thing about fate: you never really know when it’s going to hit you. But for whatever reason, it comes at the exact perfect moment you need it to. And tonight, fate hit Bucky like a ton of bricks. He nearly cried from relief when he saw Y/N come out of the door carrying a bag of garbage with her. She took it to the dumpster at the side of the building and tossed it in. Without thinking, Bucky opened the car door and got out. “Y/N!” he called.

Y/N turned around and her eyes lit up when she saw it was Bucky. Her expression soon fell when she saw how distressed he looked. Half running, Bucky went over and picked her up in a hug with his right arm. He held her close and before he even knew what was happening, he started to cry.

“Bucky, what’s wrong?” Y/N asked, worriedly. Bucky tried to respond, he really did, but all he could do was cry. He cried because of the nightmare, he cried because of everything that was stolen from him, and even though his sleeping had gotten better, he cried because he was just so damn tired. He couldn’t do this with Steve or the others. They all saw him as the old Bucky, but that’s not who he was anymore. Y/N didn’t have those expectations. And so, he cried in her arms. 

Y/N kept holding on and kept whispering, “You’re okay, you’re safe,” in his ear. Even though he didn’t say it, she was almost certain a nightmare was the cause of Bucky’s pain tonight. She didn’t really know what to say, so she just held still as he cried. Finally, she felt her feet touch the ground and he gently put her down. Using the sleeve of her sweatshirt, she gently wiped away his tears. “I’m sorry,” he choked out. “I just needed to make sure you were okay.” Y/N nodded. “Yeah, Bucky, I’m okay.” 

After a few minutes, Bucky stopped crying, but he could feel his body getting numb. Sometimes after a rough night, He would get so overwhelmed by the nightmare and the emotions that followed. The only thing was, he was usually much closer to the Tower when he started to shut down. He needed to get back now. He tried getting his keys out of his pocket, but the felt out of place in his hands and fell to the ground. Before he could even bend down, Y/N picked them up for him. She gently took his hand and led him up the stairs to the door of her building. 

“Come on, Bucky, let’s go inside.”


	7. Nice to Meet You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky wakes up after an awful night and Y/N helps him get home.

Bucky woke up buried under a blanket that was unfamiliar and in a room that definitely wasn’t his. He sat up and quickly assessed his surroundings. The room was small but comfortable. There were no pictures on the walls or any defining clues as to whose room it could be. He looked out the window adjacent from the bed and saw his car next to the sidewalk below. Across the street was the familiar sign of the cookie shop.  _ This has to be Y/N’s house _ , Bucky thought. After determining there was no immediate threat, he racked his brain trying to figure out how he got here. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and it all came back to him. The nightmare, the late night trip to Y/N’s, the meltdown. He opened his eyes trying to figure out what to do next.

Bucky gently pulled the blanket back and climbed out of the bed. He could hear noises on the other side of the closed door at the opposite end of the room and decided to take his chances and open it. Even though he was a highly skilled super soldier, he could feel his heartbeat pounding in his chest. He opened the door and walked into the living room.

Y/N was sitting on the couch reading in her pajamas while a man was putting what looked like art supplies in a backpack. Bucky sighed when he saw that she was okay. Last night hadn’t been a dream after all. The man was the first to notice Bucky come out of Y/N’s room. “Hi there,” the man said. Y/N turned her head and smiled at Bucky. “Hi Bucky,” she said quietly. Bucky cleared his throat. “Um, hello.”

He didn’t really know what to say next, so he was relieved when the man held out his hand. “Nice to meet you James. I’m Poe.” Bucky shook his hand and Poe smiled. “So, Y/N brought us up to speed about you last night. Nothing bad, just how you met and about what happened,” he added when Bucky’s face went ashen. “You doing okay today?” Bucky nodded. “Yes, sir. Thank you.” Poe laughed. “You don’t need to call me sir, James. I might technically be older than you but there’s no need for formalities. I can’t imagine last night was fun, but I’m glad you were here when it happened.”

Poe walked over and squeezed Y/N’s shoulder. She smiled shyly up at him and he went back to packing his backpack. “So, Finn left early this morning to teach a yoga retreat. He’ll be sad he missed you. There’s food in the microwave if you want to eat. Y/N is going to go with you back to your house or tower or whatever you call it, and then she’ll take the subway home.” Y/N frowned at the last sentence. “Don’t give me that look, Y/N. You need to practice getting home on the subway. Finn and I aren’t going to be around as much in the summer to drive you places. Take your pepper spray, please.” Y/N nodded, admitting defeat. Bucky felt like he had to be dreaming. He certainly wasn’t expecting this type of reaction from Y/N’s foster dad after what happened last night. All he could do was stare while Poe finished getting his stuff ready to leave.

Poe took one last look around the apartment and nodded in satisfaction that he had everything he needed. Then his eyes lit up. “Oh! I know what you can do Y/N! There are some great stores around the Avenger’s Tower. You can get some decorations and stuff for your room! Most of those shops deliver, so you won’t even need to take it home on the subway.” He pulled some money out of the wallet in his back pocket and put it on the table in front of Y/N. She looked at it nervously, but Poe didn’t seem to notice. He grabbed his backpack and walked to the front door. “Any problems call me. Okay, honey?” Y/N nodded. “James, I wish I could stay longer, but I have a meeting downtown. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to come by again. Y/N can give you my number if you need it.” He opened the front door and smiled once more before leaving.

Bucky stared at the door in shock. “He used to be in the military.” Y/N said after a moment. “He told me last night he knows what it’s like to have nightmares.” Bucky replied, “He seems like a great guy.” Y/N nodded. “Yeah, he is. They both are.” She stood up. “I just need to change and then we can go. You can eat the food Poe left in the oven.” She slipped past Bucky into the room where he had spent the night and closed the door. With nothing to really do, Bucky walked into the kitchen and opened the oven. He took out a plate of eggs and pancakes, sat down at the table and began to eat.

Y/N came out of her room just as Bucky finished up. He put the dish in the sink and stood in the living room. The apartment was small, but he liked it. It felt cozy, safe. As much as he liked being here, he really needed to get back to the Tower. A change of clothes and a shower would be nice, especially after last night. “You ready to go?” Y/N asked, breaking the spell. “Yeah. Thanks for bringing me up here last night,” Bucky said. Y/N replied, “I just didn’t want you to try driving home like that. Poe and Finn are nice. They won’t say anything to anyone.” She opened the door and Bucky followed her down the stairs of the apartment building out to his car.

The drive back to the Avengers Tower was mostly quiet. Bucky was confused by Y/N’s newfound silence. Sure, she was shy, but she had been fairly talkative the last two times they’d met. “You okay, kid?” he finally asked. “You were really quiet back at your place.” Y/N didn’t answer right away, and Bucky was worried he upset her somehow. “I have a hard time talking to them,” she said, quietly. “Why?” Bucky asked.

“I like them a lot. I like living with them a lot. I’m scared I’ll say something to mess that up.” Bucky was confused. “Mess what up?” he asked. “This isn’t my first foster home,” Y/N said, a hint of shame in her voice. It was like a lightbulb went off in Bucky’s head. He might not be a foster kid, but he remembered all too well when he used to be punished for doing or saying the wrong thing.

“I get it, kid,” he said. “But from what I saw back there, he really seems to care about you, and I bet his husband does too.” Y/N swallowed and blinked back tears. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore, please. Are you okay?” she asked, changing the subject. “Yeah kid, I’m okay,” Bucky replied, giving her another glance. “I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess.” Y/N giggled. “Us messes have to stick together, right?” she said. Bucky smiled as he watched her demeanor change back to her old self.

About fifteen minutes later, Bucky navigated his car through the security garage at the Avengers Tower. He insisted Y/N come upstairs with him so he could change and then walk her to the shopping district. When they got off the elevator, they could hear a commotion in the other room.

“Of course something is wrong!” Bucky heard Steve yell. “He’s never gone this long!”  _ Oh great,  _ Bucky thought.  _ This oughta be good.  _ He and Y/N walked into the common room and saw Nat, Tony, Sam and Steve standing in the middle.

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear!” Tony exclaimed, turning Steve around. “Bucky, are you okay?” Steve asked, walking over to his friend frantically. “Yeah, Stevie, I’m fine,” Bucky sighed. “Just had a bad night and couldn’t make it home.” Steve shook his head. “No call? Nothing? Buck you really had me worried…” he paused when he finally saw Y/N standing behind Bucky. “Grocery store girl!” he said, pointing at her. Everyone else turned and stared. Y/N turned a deep shade of red and hugged her arms in front of her chest. “Look I’ll explain everything later,” Bucky said, ignoring the confused looks on everyone’s faces. He turned to Y/N. “Give me twenty minutes to shower and change, then we’ll go. There’s a TV or books or whatever. Don’t mess with her, guys,” he said to the remaining group.

Sam pretended to look offended. “Now what on Earth makes you think we would do that?” he asked, incredulously. Bucky sighed and went to give a smart reply, but Steve held out his arm. Bucky looked like hell, but at least he was home. And somehow, Y/N was partly responsible for bringing him here. “She’ll be fine, Buck. Take as long as you need.” Bucky took one last look at Y/N who gave him a tiny thumbs up.  _ The faster I go, the faster we can leave,  _ he thought. With one final glare at Sam, Bucky made his way to his bedroom, leaving Y/N with the rest of the group. Tony stared at Steve, Sam, Nat and Y/N. Clearly he missed something, and if Tony Stark hated anything, it was being out of the loop.

“Soooo, is somebody going to explain the kid?”


	8. Fair Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky convinces Y/N to go shopping for her room.

Y/N shifted on her feet as Sam, Nat, Steve, and Tony stared at her. Steve was the first to break the silence. “Do you want any water, Y/N?” he asked. She shook her head. 

“So what happened with Tin Man last night?” Sam asked. Y/N bristled at the nickname for Bucky and glared at Sam. “That’s not for me to say,” she replied, gaining some confidence. Sam held up his hands. “Okay, okay. Man, she’s almost as bad as you,” he said to Steve.

Tony sighed. “Well this is boring. And here I thought we were going to get some juicy details about the mystery grocery store girl.” Y/N looked confused.

“We saw you and Bucky in the grocery store together,” Steve explained. “Bucky’s...reserved, I guess is the best word for it. Hasn’t said much about it.” Y/N nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I got that. We’re kind of alike.” She looked around the room then walked up to Tony. “Okay, Mr. Stark, I’ll answer your questions. But only the ones I want to, and only while we play that.” She pointed to the large TV and the Wii sitting on the entertainment stand. Steve and Sam smirked at her challenge. “I don’t know, Stark, the kid drives a hard bargain,” Nat said, trying to build rapport. Y/N smiled shyly at her, and Nat returned it.

Tony raised his eyebrows and rested his hand under his chin, pretending to consider her offer. He walked around her in a circle pretending to size her up. Y/N tried to keep a straight face and play Tony’s game, but a small giggle escaped when he got really close to her face. Tony backed up and stuck out his hand. “You’ve got a deal, kid.”

* * *

 

“What’s your favorite color?” Tony moved his controller so his character, Snake, didn’t get decimated by the bomb Y/N threw at him.

“Blue,” she replied. She made her Kirby turn into a brick and slammed onto Snake. Tony muttered under his breath and tried to think of other questions to distract her.

“How old are you?”

“Sixteen.”

“Dogs or cats?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Where do you live?”

“Brooklyn.” Y/N’s Kirby picked up a Pokeball and a Lugia came out and targeted Snake. His HP maxed out and he was sent flying into the air. Now they both had one life left.

“Kick his ass, kid!” Sam yelled, hitting the back of the couch. “Ten bucks says she beats you, Stark,” Nat taunted. Tony waved his hand behind him to silence the crowd. Steve just smiled.

“How did you and Barnes meet?”

“That’s not my story to tell.”

“What do your parents do?” Y/N flinched and Snake managed to hit Kirby a few times. Y/N took control again and made her Kirby grab a healing potion at the top of the map. Her HP went down to zero, while Tony’s was already at 65%.

“My one foster dad is a yoga teacher and the other works in graphic design.”

“Foster, huh? What about your-”

“None of your business,” she said, cutting him off. Y/N’s shoulders tensed and she pressed buttons furiously trying to distract Tony to forget about his question. Tony glanced over at her during the assault and decided it would be smart to change the topic.

“What do you want to do when you grow up?”

“You mean when I’m old like you?” Y/N smirked and Kirby kicked Snake off the ledge of the cliff they were fighting on. Tony pretended to be offended. “I’ll have you know, Capsicle back there is older than me.”

“Not really,” Y/N replied. “If he hadn’t been frozen, he’d be like 30 or something, right?”

Steve thought about her question. Everyone always made fun of him and Bucky for being “fossils,” but he didn’t feel that old. Truthfully, even though he had a lot of confidence, he never felt as old as he thought he should. There were days he felt like a kid in Brooklyn again. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Bucky and me both are in our thirties.”

Tony managed to get Snake into Final Smash, and Y/N had to do everything she could to keep from dying.

“But to answer your question,” she said through gritted teeth, “I want to open a bookstore.” With Tony’s Final Smash now over, Y/N kicked Snake over toward the edge of the cliff. Her final kick sent him off the cliff and Kirby jumped in the air and turned into a brick. It hit Snake head on and he fell to his death. Y/N managed to unbrick Kirby and jump to the ledge before dying. A big Game Over sign popped up in the middle of the screen.

Sam and Nat cheered as Tony looked between Y/N and the screen in disbelief. Y/N just smiled and stuck out her hand. “Best two out of three?” she asked. Tony grabbed his controller and got ready to start a new game.

“You ready to go, kid?” Everyone turned around as Bucky walked toward the couch.

“Hey, Bucky!” Y/N said, looking up at him. “I beat Tony!” Bucky ruffled her hair and laughed. “Good. Someone needs to knock his ego down a peg.” He ducked and managed to dodge the pillow Tony threw at him.

“We should get going. You’ve got shopping to do, remember?” Y/N shook her head. “Nah, I’m just going back to the apartment after this.” Bucky frowned. “Y/N,” he started, but she cut him off. “There’s no point. Besides, it’s just a room.”

She put up a good front, but Bucky could see right through it. He walked around the couch, knelt in front of her and took the controller out of her hands. She leaned back, crossed her arms in front of her chest, and looked away. As tough as she seemed, Bucky had to remind himself she was still just a kid.

“Look, I get it,” he said, gently. “It’s a permanence thing, right? You’re afraid you won’t be there forever. If you put personal stuff in your room, you’ll get attached. And it’s a lot harder to not care when you’re attached.” Y/N swallowed and blinked back tears. She wasn’t used to someone understanding exactly how she felt. “I’m scared,” she finally whispered.

Bucky put his right hand on her knee and she finally looked at him. “I have no idea what you’re going through, but it’s okay to be scared. But, kid, you can’t let that keep you from living. Poe wouldn’t have given you the money if he truly didn’t want you to make that room your own.”

Steve stared at his best friend. He knew what Bucky’s room looked like, how Bucky acted every day. It was great advice, but Steve wished he would actually follow it himself. “Hypocrite,” he muttered. Bucky glared at him, and the action did not go unnoticed by Y/N.

“What does he mean?” she asked Bucky. Before Bucky could answer, Steve did for him. “Come on, man, look at your room. It looks exactly the same as when you moved in. No pictures, no posters, and I bet your windows don’t even have curtains on them. Where are your personal touches?” Bucky turned red. He had been caught, and he knew it.

Y/N leaned forward and put her hands on Bucky’s shoulders. “Look, I get it,” she said, parroting his words back to him. “It’s a permanence thing, right? You’re afraid you won’t be here forever. If you put personal stuff in your room, you’ll get attached. And it’s a lot harder to not care when you’re attached.”

Bucky couldn’t stop his mouth from falling open, and the other adults struggled to keep from laughing. “Okay, kid, fair enough,” he finally said. He stood up and lifted Y/N over his shoulder. She squealed with laughter and he carried her back toward the elevator to the parking garage. He put her down on the floor and pulled her into a hug with his right arm.

“I’ll go if you go,” he said. She squeezed him tighter and finally nodded her head. Bucky looked over his shoulder at his friends.

“You guys coming or what?”

* * *

 

“Hey, Y/N, what about this?” Sam said, holding up a lamp. It was a plain black lamp with a white shade. Y/N grimaced and adamantly shook her head. “No way! That looks totally boring.” She moved down the aisle to look at some funkier lamps. Sam looked at Bucky and pretended to sigh. “Teenagers,” Sam said. Bucky could only laugh.

After much consideration, everyone had decided to go to IKEA in Brooklyn. Bucky made Y/N promise to take the subway back to Poe and Finn’s apartment even though she could walk the trip home.

“So what’s your style, Y/N?” Nat asked from the other side of the aisle. Y/N smiled and held up a turquoise table lamp. It was bright and the perfect size for the nightstand next to her bed. She gave it to Steve and he put it in the cart. “Okay, bright and bold it is,” he said.

“Bucky’s turn!” Y/N said. Bucky stared at all the lamps. “Well, I’m certainly not a neon person,” he muttered. After looking around, one lamp caught his eye. It was a simple lamp with a square, brown shade and a teardrop-shaped base. Maybe not the most exciting lamp in the world, but he liked it. He held it up for Y/N to inspect.

“I like it!” she determined. Bucky handed the lamp to Steve.

They continued through the store picking out curtains, throw pillows/blankets, and even a rug for Bucky. Bucky kept it simple with neutral colors, while Y/N went all out with neons and bright blues. Tony complained Bucky’s pillows didn’t match with his bedspread, but Steve’s glare shut him up.

“Okay, kid, you’ve got the basics. Now let’s have some fun,” Sam said, rubbing his hands together. He led everyone over to the bedroom accessories and found a corkboard. “Every teenager needs a cork board above their desk,” he insisted.

He handed the board to Y/N who studied it carefully. The desk in her room was small, but she had to admit the board would make it feel more like an official workspace.

“Don’t listen to him, Y/N!” Nat interjected. She held up a black magnetic corkboard. “I think this is more your style.” Y/N looked at the sleek board in awe and handed the one in her hands back to Sam. She took the black board from Nat and hugged it to her chest. 

“Mine,” she said. Bucky laughed and put the board in the cart. “That’s what, twice you’ve struck out today Bird Boy?” he taunted. Sam stuck out his tongue and Bucky held up his middle finger. Steve shoved both their shoulders.

“Would you guys knock it off?” Steve hissed. “There are kids around!” Both men gave each other one last glare and backed off.

Y/N and Bucky found some posters and a wall clock before making their way to the check out. Bucky smiled as he looked at all of the items Y/N was buying. He could see more of her true personality in them and hoped they would make her feel more at home in her room. When the cashier gave Y/N her total, she froze and looked at Bucky nervously. With an encouraging squeeze of her shoulder, he nodded at her. She took a deep breath and handed over the money. Thankfully, everything fit in two big blue bags, so she decided to just take them with her on the short subway ride.

“Be careful, okay?” Steve asked as they stood outside the subway station. Y/N nodded and shifted her bags.

Bucky kissed the top of her head and gave her a small hug. “Proud of you,” he said. Y/N pointed to his own bags. “I’m proud of you too,” she replied. “Oh! Give me your phone for a second.” Bucky handed her his phone and she tapped away at the screen. “I put my number in your contacts. Text me so I have yours and I’ll send you pictures of my room.” He took back his phone and nodded. Y/N said goodbye to Sam, Nat and Tony and waved as she walked down the station stairs.

“I want a rematch on our game!” Tony shouted as she walked away. They watched her disappear and headed back to Tony’s car.

“She seems like a good kid, Buck,” Steve said. Nat hummed in agreement.

“Yeah, she is, Stevie,” smiled Bucky.

Later that night, Y/N sent Bucky a video of a tour of her new room. He could hear Poe and another voice he assumed was Finn’s in the background praising her new decor.

Bucky looked around at his own newly decorated room and smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my Tumblr (@omalleysgirl22) to see the room decorations for Bucky and Y/N!


	9. I Want to Play a Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N and her foster dads introduce Bucky to their new dog in Central Park, and Bucky convinces Y/N to open up more.

**_Y/N:_ ** _ Bucky, check out what we got! _

Bucky glanced down at his phone as it vibrated during the debriefing. Steve and Bucky were currently going over the details of the past mission with Tony and the other Avengers. They had just gotten back earlier in the morning from a two-week trip to Budapest to fact-check some HYDRA intel. Thankfully, it was a fairly calm mission, and he and Steve had come out unscathed.

He discreetly opened the text under the table. It had been a pattern over the last couple of weeks. Ever since Ikea, Y/N and Bucky had been texting a few times a week, and she was slowly opening up more. He hadn’t seen her since then because of different missions that took him across the globe. Steve assured him this would be the last mission for him for a while. Even though Bucky’s sleeping had gotten better, the long trips away had started to take a toll on him mentally and physically.

He smiled as he opened the picture Y/N sent with the text. She was sitting on the floor of what looked like the Dameron’s living room with a small dog in her lap. The dog was white and orange with perky ears. Its tongue lolled out of its mouth, and Y/N’s face was overtaken with a grin.

**_Bucky:_ ** _ Cute! Is it yours? _

**_Y/N:_ ** _ Yup! Her name is BB8. She’s a Corgi. Poe and Finn picked her up this morning from the shelter. We’re taking her to Central Park in about an hour. Want to meet her? _

Bucky didn’t hesitate as he typed out his response.

**_Bucky:_ ** _ I’ll be there. _

Steve coughed loudly and Bucky looked up. He glared as Bucky turned off his phone and put it back in his pocket.

“As I was saying…”

* * *

 

After what seemed like forever, the debriefing finally ended. Bucky bolted out of the room and headed back to his floor. He quickly changed into workout shorts and a long-sleeve shirt, grabbed his wallet and headed out.

He decided to jog the distance to Central Park. He and Steve had been cooped up on surveillance for the last two weeks, and he had no desire to spend more time in a car.

The air was warm and the sun hid behind large, fluffy clouds. A small breeze tickled his skin as he jogged from the Tower to Central Park. People barely acknowledged him as he dodged in and out of crowds. With his metal arm hidden under his sleeve, he was basically invisible. Just another New Yorker out on a jog. It almost made him feel normal.

When Bucky finally reached the Umpire Rocks in Central Park, he was barely out of breath. A light jog was nothing compared to the vigorous training he was used to. He scanned the area and spotted Y/N walking with Poe and another man he assumed to be Finn. She was holding a leash with BB8 attached to the other end. He jogged over just enough so he was in her line of sight.

A huge smile broke out on her face when she saw him, and she waved excitedly. Bucky walked over.

“Hey kid,” he said to her. He shook Poe’s hand and then Finn’s. “Hello, sir,” he said to Finn. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Finn was tall with a broad frame and dark skin. He gripped Bucky’s hand and gave it a firm shake. His eyes held the same warmth as Poe’s, and his smile put Bucky at ease.

“Pleasure’s all mine, James. Name’s Finn. I’ve heard a lot about you from Poe and Y/N.”

BB8 barked and hopped up on her small legs. Bucky knelt down and carefully held his hand out for her to sniff. “Hello there,” he cooed. She immediately licked his fingers, and he scratched her head. Her entire butt shook from side to side as she wagged her short tail. He gave her head one last pat and stood back up.

“She’s really cute.”

Y/N gave a small nod. “Yeah, she’s awesome. She took a nap on my bed when Poe and Finn brought her home.”

Y/N’s voice was soft, almost shy, and Bucky felt his heart sink a little. She may have been opening up with him over text, but he wondered if that was translating into her home life.

Finn took a tennis ball out of his jacket pocket and handed it to Y/N. “Why don’t you throw the ball around to her, Y/N? Keep the leash on and don’t throw it too far. We’ll watch you from here.”

She cautiously took the ball and looked between Poe and Finn. They both nodded encouragingly, and she led BB8 to the open field by the rock beds. She gained a little more confidence as BB8 dashed to the grass. Bucky, Finn and Poe watched her throw the ball. BB8, ever the loyal dog, caught it in her mouth and returned it to Y/N each time.

“How have you been, James?” Poe asked.

Bucky looked over in surprise. “It’s been a rough few weeks,” he answered honestly.

Finn nodded. “The bags under your eyes kind of gave that one away.”

Bucky snorted. So Finn’s personality was similar to Poe’s. “How’s she been doing?” he asked, ready to change the subject.

Poe sighed. “She’s having a hard time opening up,” he admitted. “It’s gotten better since she decorated her room, but she’s so reserved.”

Finn nodded his agreement, and looped his arm through Poe’s. “We love her and she’s safe. That’s all that matters. She’ll get there in time. We just need to be patient.” He turned to Bucky. “We actually owe you a huge amount of gratitude. We never thought she would come home with stuff for her room. She said you went shopping with her, and I don’t think it would have happened if you hadn’t gone. So thank you.”

Bucky face flushed red with embarrassment. “I didn’t do much. She’s a good kid.” He thought back to his conversation with Y/N in his car. “ She mentioned that she’s afraid of messing up. ”  He racked his brain trying to remember exactly how the conversation went. “She said something about this not being her first foster home? She does like you, please know that,” he added, seeing their downcast expressions.

Poe nodded sadly. “We know, I promise. I think we’re her third home if I remember correctly. Has she mentioned anything to you about her past?”

Bucky shook his head. “It’s not for us to say,” Finn continued, “but she hasn’t had it easy. Some foster parents can’t handle kids with a past like Y/N’s.”

“She’s a good kid,” Bucky repeated more definitively. Despite only knowing her for a short time, he felt protective of her.

“Believe me, we know how awesome she is,” Poe replied. “We’re not giving up.”

“Texting you seems to be helping,” Finn added. “I would never ask you to talk about your private conversations, but if she says anything that worries you, please let us know, okay? You have Poe’s number?” Bucky nodded; Y/N had texted it to him the night after Ikea.

“And if you ever need anything,” Poe said kindly, “you know where to find us.”

Bucky swallowed thickly. He was used to Steve showing this level of kindness, but he certainly wasn’t expecting it from two people he barely knew. He could understand where Y/N’s hesitation was coming from. To go from an apparently awful past to a home with two caring fathers must be terrifying. The thought of losing that level of kindness had to be consuming her.

“She’s really lucky to have you,” Bucky whispered.

Before Finn or Poe could respond, Y/N came back over carrying BB8. Her face was pale, and she looked scared to death.

“Hey kiddo, what’s wrong?” Poe asked, noticing her expression.

“I swear I didn’t hurt her!” she exclaimed. “She just stopped chasing the ball and laid on the ground. I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I did.” Her voice broke and she blinked back tears.

Finn carefully took BB8 out of her arms. “Honey, it’s okay,” he replied soothingly. “She’s probably just tired. Smaller dogs run out of energy sometimes.” He put BB8 on the ground and she rolled over on her back. Her tongue hung out the side of her mouth and touched the ground. Finn knelt down and rubbed her belly. Her whole butt shook again as her tail wagged and she let out a cheery bark. “See, she’s fine! Just got a bit lazy is all.”

Y/N closed her eyes and tensed up, as if preparing for the worst. Bucky could almost hear her heart pounding, and her shoulders shook slightly. His heart broke as he watched her crumble before him.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered again. 

Poe stood in front of her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. She opened her eyes and a few tears fell down her cheeks. “Sweetheart, we’re not mad at you. You are safe, you’re not going anywhere. Do you understand?” Y/N nodded. “Do you believe me?” he asked softly, wiping the tears away.

Y/N swallowed, but didn’t move her head. She glanced over in Bucky’s direction. He pretended to take a deep breath, and she mimicked his actions. He nodded encouragingly and mouthed, “It’s okay.” Y/N gave a slight nod and looked back to Poe.

“I believe you,” she finally responded. She didn’t make eye contact, but her response was enough to convince Poe.

“Okay. That’s good,” Poe said encouragingly. “We’re good. Right Finn?”

Finn stood back up and nodded. “Yup, we’re good. Right Bucky?”

“Right,” Bucky responded immediately. “It’s all good kid.”

Y/N nodded again and some color returned to her face. Once her breathing returned to normal, Poe let go of her shoulders and stepped back.

“Finn and I are going to grab some water for BB8. Why don’t you and James say goodbye, and then we can head home. We can make lunch and let BB8 rest.”

“Okay.” 

“James, it was great seeing you,” Poe declared. “Remember what I said earlier, okay?”

Bucky nodded and shook Finn’s hand one more time. “Nice meeting you again, James,” Finn said. The two men walked away with BB8, leaving Bucky and Y/N alone.

“They love you, you know,” Bucky said. Y/N looked up at him, her expression one of half surprise and half disbelief. “I’m serious, kid. They said it themselves. You gotta trust that.”

Y/N wrapped her arms around her shoulder and shrugged. “I’m scared,” she finally responded.

Bucky’s expression softened. “Come here.” He opened his right arm and she stepped into his embrace as if being pulled by a magnet. By now, their hugs felt natural. He rubbed small circles on her back like she did the first night they met. He felt her shoulders relax and he kept whispering, "It's okay" as he held her. After a few moments, she pulled back.

“I want to play a game,” he announced as they released from the hug.

“A game?” Y/N asked, curiously.

Bucky nodded his head firmly. “Every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed, I want you to text me a new fact about yourself.”

Y/N’s nose scrunched up in confusion. “How is that a game? That doesn’t sound hard at all.”

“Because, once you text it to me, I want you to tell Poe and Finn your fact.”

Her face fell almost immediately. “I can’t do that,” she replied. She looked so scared that Bucky almost regretted his proposal. Almost.

“You can, I promise you," he said, standing his ground. "You practice telling me, then you tell them." He pulled out his phone. “Here, try it now.”

She stared at Bucky as if he had gone crazy. He didn’t break eye contact, and eventually, she pulled out her own phone. She typed a quick message and Bucky’s phone vibrated a few seconds later.

**_Y/N:_ ** _ I like doing yoga. _

Bucky smiled as he read the text. “That’s awesome, Y/N! Now, when you go back over, tell them this fact.”

“What if they don’t care?” she asked nervously.  

“Have I ever lied to you?” he asked. She shook her head. “It will mean a lot to them, I promise.”

“What’s my prize if I do it?”

“Huh?”

“You said it’s a game, right?” Her shy demeanor was replaced with a mischievous grin. “Winners of games get prizes. So, what’s my prize?”

Bucky shook his head in humorous disbelief. This kid was unbelievable. He put his hand under his chin and pretended to think. “Hmm...how about ice cream? Once a week?”

Her eyes lit up at the suggestion and nodded vigorously. “Can I visit the Tower again sometime?” she asked shyly, rubbing her foot against the ground.

“Yeah, kid, you can visit again.” Bucky smiled. “But you have to follow through, okay? Starting now.” He motioned to Poe and Finn who were heading back over.

She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders as if preparing for battle. She turned around just as Poe and Finn reached them.

“I like doing yoga!” she blurted out before she could change her mind.

Poe and Finn stopped and stared Y/N’s sudden outburst. They looked back to Bucky, and he quickly gave them a thumbs up and nodded his head from behind her.

“You do?” Finn asked, looking back at Y/N.

Y/N nodded silently, then Bucky coughed. She turned around and he motioned for her to keep going.

“Yeah,” she replied, turning back around. “We did it in gym class at one of my old schools, and I really liked it.”

“Would you like to do it again?” Finn asked. “You could come to the studio with me sometime and take a class.”

“Really?” Y/N asked, excitement replacing the doubt in her voice.

“I would love it!” Finn declared.

Y/N couldn't believe it. Finn wanted to spend time with her! Bucky was right! Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all. “That’d be cool,” Y/N finally replied.

The whole atmosphere changed as Y/N relaxed and shared a piece of her with Finn and Poe. Bucky smiled proudly. He knew she could do it, even if it did take some bribing. A part of him felt like that was wrong, but the expressions on the foster dads’ faces erased every bit of doubt Bucky had in his mind.

Poe and Finn both smiled widely at her response, and BB8 bounced up and down with renewed energy. She knelt down and started petting her dog. Poe sniffed and turned away so Y/N wouldn’t see him wipe the tears that had formed in his eyes. Finn looked at Bucky, gave him a grateful smile and mouthed “Thank you”. He didn’t care how Bucky had gotten her to open up, he was just glad that she was starting to share.

“Here, kiddo, why don’t you take BB8,” Finn said, handing her the leash. She stood up and grabbed it carefully. BB8 smiled up at her and began leading her away. Bucky waved goodbye as Poe and Finn followed after her. Y/N turned around to face Bucky one more time.

“Bye Bucky!” she called. “See you next week!”

Bucky smiled and waved back. He felt confident now that she would play his “game”.

“Yeah kid,” he said to their disappearing figures. “See you next week.”


	10. Three Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N visits Bucky after one of his nightmares, and things don't exactly go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: major angst (but some fluff at the end), mentions of abuse, panic attack

As spring transformed into summer, Bucky and Y/N fell into a familiar routine. He looked forward to seeing her texts every day, and he enjoyed their ice cream encounters even more.

He learned Y/N loved to read, and her favorite books were science fiction. She talked about opening a bookstore after she graduated college, and she wanted to double major in English and Business Management. She hated scary movies, but really wanted to ride roller coasters. She was deathly afraid of thunderstorms and spiders. She had a soft spot for cheesy Christmas movies from the Hallmark Channel, and she loved long car rides because she could listen to more music. After learning she wanted to play the guitar, Poe and Finn bought her an acoustic and signed her up for lessons. Slowly but surely, she was beginning to thrive.

Bucky made good on his promise and took Y/N out for some form of ice cream every week. Sometimes they would go out to the different local ice cream shops, and sometimes she would come to the Tower. Tony made sure the kitchen was stocked with the best ice cream and toppings, and they would eat themselves into a sugar coma. Y/N got more comfortable around everyone, and even challenged Tony to a rematch on the Wii a few times. Steve had a soft spot for Y/N, and he would often join their ice cream outings. Everything was going really well for her.

Bucky still had some setbacks.

Bucky had one of his worst nightmares in a long time. He had thrashed around so loudly, Steve had overridden FRIDAY’s controls to break into his room. Bucky had nearly taken his head off before finally waking up to a destroyed bed. He had torn his sheet and blanket to shreds, and stuffing from his pillows littered the floor. Steve had managed to calm Bucky down and set him up on the couch in his room. But Bucky hadn’t been able to get back to sleep, and he may has well have been a walking zombie.

A sense of defeat weighed on his shoulders. He had been doing so well, and to fall this far behind was devastating. As his world slowly suffocated him, he wondered if he would ever truly get better.

Unfortunately, today was supposed to be an ice cream day. Steve had gently suggested that Bucky reschedule, and as much as Bucky hated to admit it, Steve was right. She didn’t need to see him like this. Not when she had her own problems to worry about. He pulled out his phone and texted Y/N.

**_Bucky:_ ** _ Hey kid, today’s not going to work. _

**_Y/N:_ ** _ Everything okay? _

**_Y/N:_ ** _ Bucky? _

Bucky ignored her texts and dragged himself back into his room. Steve had replaced the destroyed sheets, blankets, and pillows, so it was almost as if the nightmare had never happened. If only it were actually that easy. Bucky got in bed, pulled the covers up to his chin, and slowly drifted off in a restless sleep.

* * *

 

Y/N smiled and waved at the security guard as she walked through the gate. Everyone knew her by now since she had been coming over more frequently over the past few months. She made her way up the parking garage elevator into the common area.  

“Hello?” she called to the empty space. “Bucky? Steve? Tony?”

Silence surrounded her. She cleared her throat and tried something different. “FRIDAY?”

“Good afternoon, Ms. Y/N,” the AI responded. “How can I help you?”

“Is Bucky here?”

“Yes, he is in his room sleeping.”

“Oh,” Y/N said, a hint of disappointment in her voice. She had something really important to tell him today. “Did he have another nightmare?”

“Mr. Rogers asked me not to discuss Mr. Barnes’ condition with anyone.”

Even though the AI didn’t answer her question directly, Y/N could read between the code. She felt her heart sink. It must have been a really bad one for him to cancel on her.

“It’s okay. Thanks FRIDAY,” she replied, remembering her manners.

“You’re welcome.”

The room was silent again, and Y/N considered what to do. She looked down at the bag she was carrying. She had stopped at the ice cream shop they were supposed to go to today and brought Bucky back a small container.

“Y/N?”

Y/N shrieked and almost dropped her bag. “Steve! You scared me!”

The super soldier looked slightly guilty as he walked over from the elevator. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “Didn’t Bucky text you?”

Y/N held up the bag. “Yeah, but I wanted to bring him a treat. I felt bad he couldn’t go.”

Steve’s expression softened and took the bag from her hands. “Let’s put this in the freezer so it doesn’t melt then.” He tried to keep a cheerful expression, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Is Bucky okay?” she asked quietly as he put the ice cream away.

Steve sighed. “It wasn’t a good night,” he replied honestly.

“Can I see him?”

“It’s not a good idea, kiddo,” he replied.

“Please, Steve?” she asked persistently. “I want to help.”

He smiled sadly. “Sorry.”

Y/N huffed and crossed her arms against her chest. “Not fair,” she mumbled under her breath.

Steve couldn’t help but laugh. Some of Bucky’s stubbornness was starting to rub off on her. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.”

Y/N sighed, then her expression brightened as she got an idea. “May I please use the bathroom first?” she asked innocently.

Steve nodded. “You remember where it is?”

“Yup!”

She bounded down the hall out of his sight. Instead of going to the bathroom, she continued until she reached the stairwell. She pressed her thumb to the keypad, and the lock opened with a small click. Tony had given her access to different parts of the Tower a few weeks ago. She quickly ran up to Bucky’s floor and crept up to his door. She took a deep breath and knocked gently.

“Bucky?” she called softly. No response. She tried again. “Buck?” She put her ear up to the door but still couldn’t hear anything. She cleared her throat.

“I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. I brought you some ice cream!” she said brightly. “It’s in the freezer whenever you feel up to it.” She paused, trying to think about what to say next.

“This isn’t going to beat you, Bucky. It was one bad night, you hear me? You’re so much more than your nightmares. You’re so much more to me.” She sighed. “I was going to tell you my next fact in person, but I’ll wait until next time. You’d be proud of me. I already told Finn and Poe.”

Y/N stepped away from the door. “Bye, Bucky.” She made her way back to the stairwell. When she opened the door, she found Steve standing on the other side. And boy, did he look mad.

“Uh oh.” Y/N’s face fell, and she swallowed thickly.

“Downstairs. Now.” Steve glared at her and stepped aside so she could walk in front of him. He waited until they were back down in the common area before exploding.

“I specifically said you couldn’t see him! And then you snuck around behind my back anyway! Are you kidding me?” Steve was really yelling now, and his face began to turn red. “I should remove your clearance for that stunt you just pulled! He didn’t want to see you today, and you need to respect that.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “Maybe this whole deal was a mistake.”

Tears trickled down Y/N’s cheeks and stained her shirt. She flinched with every sentence Steve spewed, but the last one really cut her to the core. Like a trigger, her mind instantly flashed back to her last foster home. She could still hear her foster mom’s voice in her head.

 

_ “This was a mistake.” _

_ “I’ll be good!” Y/N had pleaded. “I’ll change! Please don’t send me away.” _

_ “Someone’s coming to pick you up tomorrow. I’m sorry.”  _ But she hadn’t been sorry. None of her old foster families had been sorry.

 

Y/N’s breathing became frantic, and Steve could almost feel the fear coming off of her. Her eyes glazed over as if she were in a trance, and her hands shook at her sides. He recognized that expression almost immediately. It was the exact same expression in Bucky’s eyes last night after the nightmare.

“I’ll be good. I’m sorry, I’ll be good. Please don’t send me away.”

She whispered these three sentences over and over again.

Steve could instantly tell his words had been too harsh. He knew she meant well, and she was just a kid, but he was so protective of Bucky. He didn’t need to yell like he did. He rushed over to try and comfort her, but she flinched away from his touch.

“No, please!” She stumbled backwards, and he knew. At that moment, Steve knew someone had hit her before.

He slowly put his arms down at his sides and backed away. “Y/N,” he said in a calm, soothing tone, “it’s okay. You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you.”

His words fell on deaf ears as she continued to fall apart in front of him.

“I just wanted to help. I’m sorry. Steve, I’m so sorry.”

Steve tried walking back over, and this time, she didn’t move away.

“Honey, I know. You made a mistake. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”

“I don’t want to get sent away again.” She was really sobbing now, and Steve’s heart absolutely shattered.

“Steve,” a voice said quietly from behind.

Steve whirled around to see Bucky standing behind him. His face had returned to its normal color, and the bags under his eyes were much lighter than when Steve last saw him.

“Buck, I swear-” Steve started.

Bucky shook his head gently and walked over to Y/N. He carefully picked her up and her arms and legs wrapped around him, clinging to his form like a child clinging to a security blanket. He carried her back to the elevator and pushed the button for his floor.

“Come up in a little bit,” he said to Steve as the door closed.

Once they got to his room, he put her on the edge of the bed and untied her sneakers. He took them off and placed them on the floor. Y/N stared straight ahead, barely acknowledging his actions. Bucky saw so much of himself in her that it scared him. She was too young to have this kind of fear inside of her.

He tucked her hair gently behind her ears. “I heard everything you said, you know. We’re gonna to beat this, kid. Both of us. I promise.” He kissed her forehead, and she let out a shaky breath.

He stacked some pillows and sat against the headboard. He pulled Y/N back and she situated herself between his legs. She curled up against him and her head fell back against his chest. She could feel his steady heartbeat, and Bucky’s chest rose up and down slowly, until soon, her own breathing evened out.

“Where did you go back there, kid?” Bucky eventually asked.

Y/N took a deep breath and decided to tell him everything. “My last foster home. They sent me away because I got in trouble at school. I always get sent away.” Bucky rubbed her arm soothingly, silently encouraging her to continue. “My mom’s in jail for drugs, and my dad never wanted me. Mom was so angry or high all the time, and she hit me. A lot.”

She curled up tighter and Bucky wrapped his arms around her protectively. “It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he said.

Y/N continued talking. “So she went away. And I went into foster care. It never worked. I tried to be good, but it never worked. No one wanted to keep me. I never felt safe until the Damerons.” She paused. “I’m sorry I bothered you. I should have listened to Steve.”

“I forgive you, kid. I know you just wanted to help.” Bucky kissed the top of her head and sighed.

“What are your nightmares about?” she asked.

Bucky scoffed. “It’s always the same. People I love get taken away, or I’m back in Siberia getting wiped.” He stopped, not wanting to scare her with the details. “Point is, I’ve still got a lot of fear.” They both sat in silence for a few moments.

“It's okay to be scared, you know,” she said, looking up at him. “But you can’t let it control your life.”

Bucky smiled, recognizing the words he had said to her just a few months before.

“You’re right, kid. You’re absolutely right. That applies to you too, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” she nodded.

A light knock at the door caused both of them to look up. Steve came inside slowly, trying not to make any sudden movements that might scare Y/N.

“Hey,” Steve said cautiously. “How are we doing?”

“We’re getting there,” Bucky replied. He tapped Y/N’s shoulder, signalling her to get up. She reluctantly moved towards the edge of the bed and looked up at Steve.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” she said softly.

“I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled like that.” He knelt down in front of her. “No one is going to keep you from coming here, okay?” Y/N nodded shyly, and Bucky smiled behind her.

“You know, Buck,” Steve said, looking up at his friend, “a really cool kid brought some ice cream over today. It’s waiting in the freezer for you.”

“What are we waiting for, then?” Bucky asked. He climbed off the bed and slung Y/N over his shoulder. She giggled and shrieked as he carried her out the door.

“Meet you guys down there,” Steve said, walking ahead.

Bucky put Y/N down and pulled her into a hug.

“Oh! What was your next fact?” he asked as he pulled away. “I’m so proud of you for telling Finn and Poe first, by the way! It must be really good.”

Y/N’s face turned red and she looked down shyly. Gaining some confidence, she realized it was time to stop letting her fear control her. Poe, Finn and Bucky weren’t her mom or her other foster parents. They were better, so much better. She took a deep breath and looked him squarely in the eyes. The next three words that she spoke meant more to Bucky than she would ever realize.

“I love you.”


	11. Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Finn go on a date night, so Bucky comes over to keep Y/N company during a thunderstorm.

**_Y/N:_ ** _ You still coming over? _

 

**_Bucky:_ ** _ Yup, I’m on my way over right now. _

**_Y/N:_ ** _ Yay! See you soon! Love you! _

**_Bucky:_ ** _ Love you too, kid. _

Bucky smiled as he put his phone away. He thought back a month ago to the first time Y/N said she loved him.

_ “Bucky?” she had asked nervously. “Was it okay that I said that?” _

_ His mouth opened and closed a few times. Bucky couldn’t think of the right words to say. He hadn’t heard someone say those three words to him in a long time. He knew Steve loved him like a brother, but the words “I love you” had never been exchanged. Coming from her, it felt right. She didn’t see him as he used to be. She saw him as he was now, and she loved and cared about him despite his flaws. _

_ “I love you too, Y/N.”   _

Bucky got off the subway and opened his umbrella. He made the quick walk from the station to the Dameron’s apartment. Rain drizzled down from a grey sky, and thunder clapped in the distance. Poe and Finn were going out on a date night, and Bucky was coming over to keep Y/N company. She was petrified of thunderstorms, and tonight’s weather promised to be intense.

He walked into the building and up their stairs. Standing outside their door, he could hear the faint sound of an acoustic guitar. Y/N had been taking lessons for almost a month now, and her playing had gotten pretty good. He smiled to himself as he knocked on the door.

Poe answered the door. “Hey James! Come on in!”

Bucky walked inside, and sure enough, Y/N was sitting on the couch holding her guitar. BB8 sat patiently on the floor as if watching her. Finn stood behind her, observing her technique.

“Curve your fingers a bit more so they don’t rest on the strings,” he suggested. “It won’t sound so muted.”

Y/N adjusted her finger position and tried strumming the chord again. This time, the sound rang out clearly.

“Thanks Finn!” she exclaimed.

“Getting pretty good there, kid,” Bucky said, wrapping up his umbrella and placing it next to the door. He kissed the top of her head, gave BB8’s head a scratch, and followed Poe into the kitchen.

“Thanks Bucky!” she replied. She stood up and began packing her guitar away.

“Okay,” Poe said, “there’s a pizza in the oven and popcorn in the cabinet. Candles and flashlights are under the kitchen sink just in case the power goes. Any problems, you have my number.” He lowered his voice. “Thanks again for coming, James. We didn’t like the idea of leaving Y/N alone with the storm.”

“No problem at all,” Bucky replied. “She’s an awesome kid.”

“Don’t we know it!” Finn said, looping his arm through Poe’s. “We better get going or we’ll be late for the movie.”

They walked over to the front door. Y/N came out from putting her guitar in her room and rushed over to give them both hugs.

“Bye! Have fun!” she exclaimed. She kissed Poe’s cheek, then Finn’s. “I love you.”

Poe and Finn looked down at her adoringly. It was clear they loved her just as much, if not more. They scooped her up in a group hug, and she giggled when they lifted her off the ground.

“Love you too, sweetheart,” Poe said.

“Love you. Be good for James,” Finn instructed.

Y/N sighed dramatically. “Me? Be bad? Never!”

Bucky snorted. Y/N might be a good kid, but she wasn’t immune to getting herself in sticky situations.

There was the ice cream incident, for starters. Bucky and Steve quickly learned that Y/N tended to choose which directions to follow and which to ignore.

Then there was the incident during target practice with Clint.

_ “Okay, I know this looks bad,” Y/N had said, holding a bow and arrow, “but this wasn’t completely my fault.” _

_ Bucky and Steve had stared open-mouthed at the once pristine flat-screen TV in the common area. An arrow jutted out from the center of the screen, and sparks flickered around it. Small cracks splintered off one another, shattering all hope of easily repairing the damage. Clint stood next to the entertainment center scratching his chin, a bullseye target on the wall behind him. _

_ “I didn’t think her aim would be this bad!” he had justified. Or tried to justify anyway. “I mean, at least she hit the center, right?” He had laughed weakly until Tony walked in. _

_ Tony had looked from the TV, to Y/N, to Clint, and finally, to Steve and Bucky. He took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. It didn’t work. “Guys, why the hell is there AN ARROW IN MY TV?” _

Just last week there was the feral cat she had tried to “rescue” in the alley behind their favorite ice cream shop in Brooklyn.

_ “Here kitty, kitty,” she had called, crouching low. She had held out the soupy remains of her ice cream for the cat to eat. _

_ “Y/N that’s probably not a good idea,” Bucky had cautioned. “We don’t know if it’s friendly.” _

_ Turns out, he was right. Y/N had accidentally tripped and knocked into a trashcan, spooking the cat. It leapt at her, claws bared, and Bucky had barely managed to pull her back in time. He wound up with four nice scratches on his arm. _

Bucky, Poe, and Finn smiled. They knew she wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t matter because they loved her anyway, flaws and all. She was starting to accept that she wasn’t perfect as well, and she wasn’t nearly as reserved as she used to be. Since she wasn’t as afraid anymore, her true personality had really started to shine through. Maybe she got in a little hot water sometimes, but she was a teenager after all. Compared to what she could be doing, they got off easy.

After one more round of hugs, Poe and Finn left. A flash of lightning lit up the sky, and Bucky winced as the thunder rattled the windows. That was a bad one. Y/N’s eyes widened and she covered her ears.

“What movie are we watching tonight?” Bucky asked, trying to distract her.

She uncovered her ears and looked at him gratefully. “I was thinking we could watch Transformers,” she suggested. “Unless you want to watch something else?”

Bucky shook his head. “That’s fine with me. I’ll get the food, you set it up.”

The rain pattered against the window panes harder and harder as Bucky took the pizza out of the oven and put a bag of popcorn in the microwave. He put together some plates of food, and poured water into two glasses. Y/N busied herself with setting up the DVD player and putting a big, fuzzy blanket on the couch.

Bucky brought everything over and set it on the coffee table while Y/N settled under the blanket with the remote. She held it open so Bucky could get under it, then pressed play. She patted the couch, and BB8 hopped up next to her.

Every now and again during the movie, thunder shook the whole apartment. Y/N would bury herself under the blanket a little more each time until she was practically sitting in Bucky’s lap. He could feel her shaking as she tried to focus on the movie. He traced patterns on her back, and it seemed to help a little bit. Not one to be left out, BB8 crawled over Y/N to rest on the other side of Bucky’s arm.

“You know, this movie seems a bit unrealistic to me,” Bucky joked. “I mean, cars that turn into robots?”

Y/N looked up at him in disbelief. “You fight aliens, and this is what you find unrealistic?”

He gave her a cocky grin, and she erupted into giggles. He squeezed her in a hug and reached for a glass of water. He offered it to her, but she shook her head. He took a big gulp, and then…

The room was plunged into darkness as the biggest clap of thunder yet erupted over New York. Y/N shrieked and Bucky nearly dropped his glass. Shivering in terror, she buried herself under the blanket and whimpered. BB8 let out a few quick barks, as if trying to scare away the darkness.

“Shh! BB8!” Bucky managed to get the Corgi to stop barking and focused back on Y/N. “It’s okay, Y/N. We’re safe. It’s just a little dark right now,” Bucky said soothingly. He carefully felt in front of him for the table and set his glass down. A streak of lightning flashed outside, and the room was briefly lit with a brilliant white light.

“Honey, I need to get up now and get the candles.” Bucky tried prying Y/N off of his lap, but she was persistent. He sighed and opted to just carry her with him instead, the blanket hanging loosely off her shoulders. BB8 tried to follow him into the kitchen, but the last thing he needed was to trip over the tiny dog.

“Stay!” he ordered. BB8 whined, then plopped down on the carpet. “Good girl.”

He cautiously made his way over to the kitchen sink and opened the cabinet. He fumbled around for the flashlight and turned it on. He spotted the rest of the candles and matches right away. He managed to carry everything back over to the couch and set up the lights.

The glow from the candles cast soft shadows all over the walls of the apartment. Y/N carefully peeked her head out from under the blanket.

“I don’t like this,” she whispered. BB8 hopped back on the couch and rested her nose on Y/N’s knee. Y/N reached out a shaky hand and began to pet her dog.

Bucky rubbed her back again. “I know, but it’s just a little storm. You know, my friend Thor can control thunder and lightning. You haven’t met him yet, but he’s nice.”

“Is he making this storm?”

Bucky shook his head. “I don’t even think he’s on Earth right now.”

“That’s too bad,” she grumbled. “I bet he could make it stop.”

Bucky laughed. “Yeah, probably.” They both sat in silence for a few moments.

“Hey Bucky?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you tell me a story?”

“About what?”

Y/N thought about it. “Umm, do you have any funny Steve stories?”

Bucky chuckled. “Of course I do! He does crazy stuff all the time!”

“What about from when you were kids?”

Bucky had to stop and think. His memories had been fuzzy at best ever since he got out of HYDRA’s control. He could never really tell if what he remembered actually happened or if it was just a figment of his imagination. Some days were clearer than others, but today was not one of those days.

“I don’t know if I remember any right now, kid,” he replied, softly.

Y/N worried she had upset him. “Sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. It’s not your fault.”

“Can you tell me the other stories then?” She looked up at him hopefully.

He smiled. “Well, there was this one time in Germany…” He continued on, recounting the many adventures he and Steve had been on over the last few years. He left out all the gory details, much to Y/N’s dismay, but she was completely engrossed in his tales.

When Finn and Poe came home a few hours later, the storm had died down, and the power had come back on. The movie was running through the end credits, but no one was awake to see it. Bucky was curled up on one side of the couch, with Y/N stretched across the other side. BB8 slept peacefully in the middle.

Finn gently picked up Y/N and carried her back to her bedroom, while Poe covered Bucky with the blanket. Sleep was precious for Bucky, and Poe didn’t see any reason to wake him up just to send him home to fall asleep again. BB8 woke up and quietly jumped off the couch. She followed Finn into Y/N’s room where she usually slept.

Finn closed Y/N’s door softly, and wrapped his arms around Poe. They peered through the crack in the door at their sleeping foster daughter.

“How did we get so lucky?” Finn murmured.

“I don’t know,” Poe admitted. He turned and smiled at his husband.

“But I can’t wait until we ask to be officially ours.” 


	12. Driving Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve teach a reluctant Y/N how to drive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of drug use and physical abuse

“This is so pointless!” Y/N complained. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and slammed back against the seat.

“Learning how to drive isn’t pointless, Y/N,” Bucky replied calmly from the passenger’s side.

“Finn and Poe don’t ever drive their cars anyway! We take the subway everywhere.”

“Maybe, but they can still drive if they need to.”

Finn and Poe had texted Bucky asking if he could try and teach Y/N how to drive. She had taken and passed her permit test last week to appease them, but had put her foot down when it came to actually getting in a car. Y/N could be pretty stubborn, but her attitude about learning to drive was taking it to a whole new level. Apparently, not every teenager in America wanted to learn how to drive.They thought Bucky would be able to help, so he recruited Steve for backup and decided to give it a shot. Tony had lent them one of his hybrids, and they were currently at a stalemate in the Avenger Tower’s parking lot.

“Y/N, what if you’re ever in an emergency and the only way to get help involves driving a car?” Steve chimed in from the backseat. “Do you really want to take that risk?”

“Yes,” she replied without hesitation.

“I swear, she’s picking up her resistance from you,” he muttered to Bucky.

Bucky sighed. Okay, so logical reasoning wasn’t working. Maybe it was time to take a new approach.

“Y/N,” Bucky tried again, “is there a reason you don’t want to learn how to drive?”

Y/N swallowed and refused to make eye contact. She crossed her arms tighter and looked out her window.

Aha. He got her.

“Hey,” Bucky said, gently. “What’s up, kid?”

“Nothing,” she said, crossly. “I just don’t want to learn how to drive.”

“And I don’t believe that for a second,” he replied. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“No.”

“Y/N,” he said, sternly. “We don’t keep secrets, and we don’t shut each other out. Talk to me.”

“Buck,” Steve started, not wanting him to push too hard. Bucky put his hand up, and Steve got quiet. Bucky knew Y/N’s MO and was confident she would talk when she was ready.

Sure enough, after sitting in silence for a few minutes, Y/N finally uncrossed her arms and sighed sadly.

“When my mom wasn’t high, she always talked about teaching me to drive. She loved driving, and we had this whole road trip planned out. Coast to coast.” Y/N paused for a moment to catch her breath. “Obviously, that’s never going to happen now,” she continued, her voice cracking. “I know she hurt me, but I still feel like…” She stopped, unable to verbalize her thoughts.

“Like you’re betraying your mom by learning how to drive from someone else,” Bucky finished.

“Yeah. I miss her,” she admitted, quietly. “Not the high mom or the one that hit me. But the one who wanted to teach me to drive.” Her chin quivered, and she looked so small in the car’s bucket seat.

Bucky leaned over and she met him halfway for a hug. She really tried not to cry, but once her arms wrapped around his neck, it was next to impossible for her to keep it together. Her shoulders shuddered as she let her pain and sadness out.

Kissing her forehead, he replied, “I know, kiddo. Shh, it’s okay. It is totally okay to miss your mom. But, kid, your life is allowed to go on without her. No one would judge you for it, especially not us.”

“Or Poe and Finn,” Steve added.

“Promise?” she asked, pulling back.

“Promise,” they replied in unison.

Y/N took a deep breath and Bucky wiped away the tears on her cheeks. Gaining her composure, she slowly put her hands on the steering wheel and looked over at Bucky for approval. He smiled, and moved her left hand so it was between 9 and 10 o’clock.

“Now, I know everyone says between 10 and 2, but that’s crap,” Bucky said, getting down to business. “Trust me, this way will feel more natural. Which pedal is gas?”

“The right.”

“Good, and the brakes?”

“The left.” 

“Yup. Check your mirror. Can you see okay out of it?” Y/N nodded. “Okay, I think we’re ready to start driving.”

“Whoa!” Steve interrupted. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” He tugged on the grey belt across his chest.

“Seatbelt! Bucky, that’s the most important part!” Y/N chided. She quickly clicked hers into place and Bucky did the same.

He took the keys out of the cupholder and handed them to Y/N. She carefully put them in the ignition and turned the key. Tony’s car came to life, and Y/N jumped a little in her seat.

“Okay,” Steve said, “very carefully, hold down the brake and put the car in drive.”

Y/N followed Steve’s directions and gave him a small grin in the mirror.

“Now, gently press on the gas...whoa!” Bucky yelled, bracing his arms on the dashboard. Y/N had accidentally stepped on the gas instead of pressing it. The whole car jolted forward and then jerked to a screeching stop. Steve could have almost sworn he felt the back of the car lift off the ground. Y/N quickly put the car back in park.

“I can’t do this!” she exclaimed. “Bad idea! Very bad idea!”

“Y/N,” Steve reasoned, “if Bucky or I gave up every time something went wrong, we’d never get anything done. Try it again.”

After taking a few moments to collect herself, Y/N slowly put the car back in drive and used her tiptoes to press on the gas. The car inched forward very slowly in a straight line.

“There you go, just like that,” Bucky encouraged. “Try adding a little bit of pressure to the pedal.”

She complied, and the car slowly picked up speed. She smiled as she gained more confidence.

“I’m doing it!” she giggled.

“Now, at the end of the aisle, turn left,” Steve instructed.

Y/N took the turn slowly, but it wasn’t too wide or too narrow, which was good. She looped around the parking lot four more times, Bucky and Steve cheering her on the entire way. Her turns were getting much smoother, and she managed to top out at about 10 miles per hour. It was a slow start, but it was a start nonetheless.

Bucky finally directed her to park in a pull-through space. She put the car in park and turned off the ignition.

“So,” Bucky said, “what did you think?”

“It wasn’t too bad,” Y/N admitted.

“You did pretty good for your first time out, Y/N,” Steve said.

Y/N smiled, and then her eyes began to twinkle. Bucky and Steve recognized that look immediately.

“So this was fun and all,” Y/N said, innocently, “but all this driving has been seriously exhausting.”

“Oh yeah?” Bucky asked, grinning.

“Yup,” she nodded. “I think I might need some ice cream if I’m going to have the energy to get back home.” She looked over at Bucky and gave him her best puppy dog eyes. He didn’t even last ten seconds before caving.

“Alright, let’s go inside and get some ice cream. You earned it.” He opened the door and began getting out of the car.

“YES!” she shouted. She quickly unbuckled her seatbelt, opened the door, and dashed down the parking lot. She made about three yards before turning back around and jumping into his arms.

“I love you Bucky,” she whispered.

“Love you too, kid,” he replied. He pretended to squeeze her tightly, and she giggled. When he finally put her down, she ran back to the Tower.

“You know, I always knew a girl would have you wrapped around her finger,” Steve laughed as he got out of the car. “I just never expected it to be a kid.”

“Shut up, punk.”

But Steve was right, and Bucky knew it.

For some reason though, he didn’t mind. He really didn’t mind at all. 


	13. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky suffers from a severe anxiety attack and finds help where he least expects it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: panic/anxiety attack, disassociation, so much angst

Something’s wrong.

Bucky can feel it as he walks. He can feel it rising from the pit of his stomach and creep its way to his throat, slowly suffocating everything.

Something’s wrong.

Bucky could feel it all day. Skin itching, mind racing, preparing for the worst. He could hardly sit still, could barely calm down. God, if he could just calm down.

Something’s wrong.

He tried to find Steve, but he was gone. Everyone was gone. He had no one.

 

Something’s wrong.

Something’s wrong.

Something’s wrong.

 

Bucky barely notices a door opening in front of him. A figure appears, but he doesn’t see them, not really. Everything is so out of focus and fuzzy.

“Are you okay?”

Bucky thinks the words are directed at him, but he can’t answer. His ears ring, and his head pushes and pulls under an immense pressure. It reminds him of when went swimming as a kid and tried to reach the bottom of the deep end.

He stands there, eyes glazed over, feet paralyzed to the floor. The figure moves to the side, giving Bucky enough room to come in, if he wants to.

Does he want to?

Bucky can feel the warmth from the room ahead of him seeping into the hallway. It curls around his neck, his hands, even his legs, as if trying to pull him inside. And Bucky was cold, so cold. He trembled and shivered, and his legs felt like they were about to give out on him.

So he walked inside.

Gentle hands guided him to the couch. He remembered that couch. At least, he thought he did. His brain was jumbled, and his mind screamed at him for some relief to this agony he felt.

Bucky’s legs finally gave out as he collapsed onto the cushions. He put his head between his knees and covered his ears to stop the ringing. Metal plates dug into his skin as he applied more pressure, trying to push the noise out. His breaths became ragged, chest frantically heaving in and out. Rocking back and forth in his seat, Bucky blinked back tears. He just wanted it all to stop.

 

Make it stop.

Make it stop.

Make it…

 

Something cold and wet hit Bucky’s bare neck. His eyes flew open and his hands reached behind his neck to hold the feeling still. His fingers gripped something soft. Fabric. A washcloth, maybe? As he held it down, water trickled down his neck onto his back.

Tick, tick, tick.

Bucky could hear a ticking noise somewhere in front of him. He had to be going crazy, had to be hallucinating somehow. That noise wasn’t there before. Or was it?

“What’s your name?” a voice said. Bucky flinched and kept his head down.

Tick, tick, tick.

“What’s your name?” the voice repeated. Bucky paused. What was his name?

His name...his name…

“Bucky,” he replied, weakly. His words shook and he almost doubted whether or not what he said was actually true.

Tick, tick, tick.

“What’s your full name?” the voice asked again. It was gentle, but firm.  

Bucky felt the drops of water from the fabric on his neck running down his back. They gently caressed his skin and grounded him. His heart pounded, but it wasn’t racing like before. In fact, it almost matched up to the…

Tick, tick, tick.

Inhaling deeply, Bucky let out a shuddering breath. He slowly unclenched his hands from around his neck and placed them on his knees.

“My name is James Buchanan Barnes,” he replied.

Tick, tick, tick.

“What’s your name?”

“My name is James Buchanan Barnes.”

This went on for a few more rounds, Bucky’s responses growing stronger and more confident each time.

He blinked a few times and saw his feet come into focus. Why wasn’t he wearing shoes? He slowly raised his head and looked down at his shaky hands. His arms were bare. In fact, his whole chest was bare. The only fabric he could see was the dark gray sweatpants covering his legs. His gazed lowered again and focused on the rug under his feet.

Wait. He knew that rug. He looked again at the couch he was sitting on. It felt familiar. He knew this couch too.

“James?” A voice interrupted his thoughts.

Bucky looked straight ahead of him and saw Poe sitting on the coffee table in front of him. He tries to speak, but he was tired, so tired.

“James, what are five things you can see right now?” Poe asked.

Bucky swallowed and twitched his head around.

“The couch,” he finally replied.

Poe nodded encouragingly. “Good. Give me four more.”

“The rug, the table, my feet, and you.”

“Very good, you’re doing great. What are four things you can feel?”

Bucky looked down again at the rug. He curled his toes and could feel the rough fabric scratch against his skin.

“The rug under my feet.” He placed his hands on the soft fabric of the couch. “The couch. It’s so soft.” He paused and took a deep breath. As his chest moved, a few drops of water finished their journey down his back. “The water going down my back. And the fabric against my neck.”

“Awesome. Three things you can hear please.”

Bucky closed his eyes and focused. “I can hear my voice. And your voice. And…”

Tick, tick, tick.

“I think there’s a ticking?” he finished, nervously. He opened his eyes and looked at Poe.

Poe nodded again and grabbed a small black object that was sitting next to him. A small rod moved from left to right, making the ticking noise he had been hearing.

“Yup, you’re right. This is called a metronome. Do you want me to turn it off?”

Bucky shook his head. “No, I like it.” It gave him something to focus on. The ringing in his ears dulled down, and the pressure in his head had finally started to subside.

“Okay,” Poe replied, putting the metronome back down. “What are two things you can smell?”

Bucky took a deep breath. “I can smell tomato sauce. And vanilla.”

“Spaghetti night,” Poe said, simply. “Y/N loves her spaghetti sauce.”

Y/N. Bucky’s eyes widened at the mention of her name. He didn’t want her to see him like this.

“It’s okay, she’s not here right now,” Poe assured him. “She and Finn took BB8 for a walk after dinner. It’s just you and me.”

Bucky nodded, relief flooding through him. He slowly put his hands behind his neck and removed the washcloth. Poe held out his hands and Bucky handed it over. He sank back against the couch.

“You okay?”

Bucky nodded. “I feel a little better.”

“Good. You were pretty out of it when you came in. Do you know how you got here?” Poe asked.

“I’m...I’m not sure,” Bucky admitted.

“Do you think you drove?”

Bucky patted his pockets but couldn’t feel any keys. “I don’t think so,” he replied. Poe got up from the table and walked into Y/N’s room.

“I don’t see your car,” Poe said, looking through her window. “You must have walked.”

“I think you’re right,” Bucky replied, memories flashing in his mind. “I remember people on the streets.”

Poe walked into his room and Bucky heard him opening and closing some drawers. He came back out carrying a t-shirt, sweatshirt and socks.

“Are all of your episodes that bad?” he asked, handing the clothes to Bucky.

“Sometimes, but not usually.”

Poe sat back down on the coffee table and took a deep breath.

“James, episodes like the one you just experienced typically don’t happen overnight. There’s usually culminating events and then everything snaps.”

Bucky sighed and decided to confess everything to Poe. “We’ve had some tough missions, and I haven’t been sleeping well,” he admitted. “I just feel like I can’t breathe sometimes.”

“Do you ever take a break? From missions, I mean.” Poe asked.

“I had a few weeks off a couple of months ago.”

“How was your sleeping then? Did you have any episodes?”

Bucky paused and thought back. “It was right after you guys got BB8. I was fine. I mean, I still had nightmares sometimes, but I felt okay. Definitely not like this. I was sleeping better.”

“Have you ever thought about quitting?”

The question hit Bucky like a ton of bricks. “What?” he asked.

“Have you ever thought about quitting?” Poe repeated. Bucky looked to see if he was joking, but Poe’s expression was dead serious.

“I can’t quit.”

“Why?” Poe shot back immediately.

“I-” Bucky stopped. It had never occurred to him that quitting would ever be an option.

“I have to make up for all the things I’ve done,” he finally replied. Shame laced his voice as he stared down at the floor.

Bucky knew Poe and Finn knew who he was and who he used to be, but it was never a topic they actually discussed. A part of Bucky was always surprised they let him spend time with Y/N knowing all the awful things he’d done.

“James,” Poe said carefully, “I know you feel like you owe the world. You did some horrific things to people while you were brainwashed and tortured. It might not have been you, per say, but you still did them. I can’t even imagine what that kind of guilt must feel like. But this sacrifice you think you’re making to right the wrongs? It’s not noble. It’s killing you. And you don’t deserve that. Not after all you’ve been through.”

Bucky couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down as cheeks as Poe spoke. Steve always harped about how none of the things Bucky did as the Winter Soldier were his fault. But Bucky couldn’t accept that because his hands had still pulled the trigger. Poe wasn’t sugarcoating any of the things he had done. But he wasn’t condemning Bucky for it either. He was voicing things Bucky had refused to let himself focus on.

A life without missions, without the worries of the life of an Avenger sounded promising. Hopeful even. It gave him hope that he could start over and be good again. But his loyalty to Steve was fierce. He just couldn’t see a way out.

“What am I supposed to do?” Bucky choked.

“I don’t have that answer,” Poe replied, sadly. “But I know you can’t keep doing this.” He sat quietly while Bucky cried everything out of his system.

Once Bucky calmed down, Poe stood up. “Here’s what’s going to happen,” he said. “You’re going to take a shower and change. Then, when Y/N and Finn get back, I can either take you home or you can stay here tonight. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“I don’t want her to see me like this,” Bucky replied.

“You need to give her more credit, James. She’s been through her share of trauma too. She can handle it. But if you feel really strongly about it, I’ll take you home.”

Bucky nodded and followed Poe into the bathroom. He showed Bucky where the extra towels were before shutting the door and leaving. Bucky stepped under the steaming shower and sighed as the water pulsed against his back. The tension began to melt away, and he leaned his forehead against the cool tile. 

Poe’s words echoed in his head as the water continued to fall. Maybe he was right. Bucky knew how he’d been living wasn’t healthy, but he never thought about leaving.

A door slammed out in the living room, snapping Bucky out of his thoughts. He finished his shower and changed into Poe’s clothes. They just fit on Bucky’s broad frame, and he could smell the minty aftershave lingering on the fabric. He wiped the condensation off the mirror and stared at his reflection.

His hair had gotten long again, and his thick beard only added to the caveman-esque look. His cheeks were pale, and the dark bags under his eyes seemed more pronounced. He looked tired. He felt tired.

Bucky could faintly hear Y/N’s voice outside. He took one more deep breath for good measure and opened the door. He tentatively walked into the living room. Y/N was sitting on the couch, and Finn and Poe were going through their stack of DVDs. Finn still held BB8’s leash in his hand, and the dog tried eagerly to greet Bucky. Everyone looked over at the source of BB8’s enthusiasm.

“Hey Bucky,” Y/N said, softly. She stayed on the couch, waiting for him to make the next move. He knew Poe must have warned her while he was in the shower.

“No hug tonight?” Bucky asked. Y/N smiled shyly and walked over to him. Bucky wrapped both his arms around her tight and held on. “I love you so much, kid,” he whispered.

“Love you too Bucky,” she replied, her voice muffled by his sweatshirt. After a minute, he pulled away and she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him on his cheek. “Are you going home?” she asked.

Bucky cleared his throat and looked over at Poe and Finn. They both smiled encouragingly, and he looked back at Y/N. “I was thinking of staying,” he said. “If that’s okay.”

“Yeah, Buck, it’s okay,” Y/N replied.

She took his hand and led him over to the couch. He sat down and pulled her with him. She sat in his lap, her legs draped over his left one. He wrapped his arms around her again and he closed his eyes. Y/N hummed a gentle tune while Poe set up the DVD and Finn got popcorn. She absentmindedly traced patterns on his right arm while her fingers intertwined with his left hand. Focusing on her, Bucky felt himself truly calm down.

Poe was right, he couldn’t keep doing this forever. Bucky couldn’t even imagine what would have happened if he hadn’t come to the Dameron’s tonight. He had a lot of decisions to make, and none of them would be easy. But for tonight, Bucky was glad he made the decision to stay. 


	14. Best Birthday Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe, Finn and Bucky plan a special surprise during Y/N’s 17th birthday party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long!! This was a really important chapter for me, and I wanted to make sure I got it right. We’re starting to wrap everything up now, so there will only be a few more parts. As always, thanks for reading!!

“Here comes the cake!” Finn announced to the room. Tony dimmed the lights and Poe walked in carrying an ice cream cake decorated with seventeen blue candles. The words “Happy 17th Birthday Y/N” were drawn in a loopy cursive, and icing hedgehogs dotted the space around them. 

Y/N blushed and grinned shyly as everyone started singing. Poe and Finn had taken Y/N and her friends from school out to the movies earlier in the day, and now they were celebrating as a family. It was a patchwork family for sure, but to her, it was perfect.

Tony, Sam, and Clint really belted out the last lines, and the others clapped enthusiastically.

“Make a wish!” Nat exclaimed. She held out her camera as Y/N closed her eyes. She paused a few seconds before taking a deep breath and blew out all of the candles at once.

“What did you wish for?” Bucky asked, squeezing her shoulder.

Y/N shook her head. “I can’t tell you!” she admonished. “It won’t come true!”

“Yeah, Bucky!” Steve joked. “You should know better!”

Before Bucky could interject, Poe and Finn began passing out the cake. Of course, Y/N got the first (and biggest) piece, and she eagerly attacked her cake.

“Good?” Poe asked.

Y/N nodded and gave him a thumbs up. “You sure?” he asked uncertainly.

She swallowed her cake and smiled. “Poe, this day has been awesome! I promise.” She crossed her heart for emphasis.

“Okay, okay, just checking,” he replied. He moved over and sat next to Finn on one of Tony’s couches.

“They’ve been acting weird all day,” Y/N whispered to Bucky. “Like all nervous and jittery.”

“It’s your first birthday with them, kid,” Bucky said. “They probably just want it to be perfect.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she said uncertainly. “Do you think everything is okay?” Her forehead creased with worry, and her eyes filled with a slight sense of fear.

“Y/N, I swear, everything is fine,” Bucky reassured her. He scooted closer and gave her a side hug. “You’re good, it’s all good.” Y/N nodded and slowly went back to eating her cake.

A clinking glass drew everyone’s attention to the center of the room where Tony was standing. He cleared his throat. “Y/N,” he said, “you are a very special kid. And a special kid gets presents for her birthday, am I right?”

Everyone cheered and clapped as Nat and Clint brought out two large piles of presents. Y/N’s face lit up as they were placed in front of her.

“No way!” she squealed. “Thank you!”

“Don’t thank us until you’ve seen them,” Steve warned. “Some of us weren’t supervised.”

“Hey, man,” Sam argued, “you guys picked the worst time to get presents. Not all of us follow your super soldier schedules.”

“So Sam’s present is bad, got it,” Y/N replied cheekily. Sam pretended to be offended, but he broke a smile when Y/N got up and gave him a hug. She sat back down on the rug and began going through the pile as Nat took pictures.

All of the presents were surprisingly awesome. Clint got Y/N a bow and arrow set that Tony insisted was “for outdoor use only”. Clint shook his head and winked at Y/N when Tony wasn’t looking, and she giggled in response. When Tony whirled back around, she got busy opening the first edition  A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, one of her favorite books, from Nat.

“Nat, this is awesome!” Y/N exclaimed, jumping up to give the redhead a hug. “Thank you!” She pulled away and turned the book over. “Where did you find this?”

“Let’s just say I have my sources,” Nat replied, coyly.

“Okay, my turn!” Sam announced, pushing a bag towards Y/N. She carefully rooted through it and pulled out a stuffed hedgehog. “You got a hedgehog pillow at Ikea, remember?” he asked. “I thought you might like this to go with it.”

“It’s beautiful,” Y/N whispered, hugging it to her chest. “Does it have a name?” Sam shook his head. Y/N held it out in front of her in consideration. “How about...Spike?” she asked.

“Spike?” Clint scoffed. “For a hedg-ow!” He stopped as Nat jabbed an elbow into his side.

“It’s perfect, Y/N,” Nat said, sending daggers Clint’s way. “It fits perfectly.”

Y/N nodded in satisfaction and hugged Spike into her chest.

“Open mine next!” Tony said, pointing to a small box.

Y/N tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box to reveal a key card. She held it up and tried not to look too confused at the odd present.

“That’s a key card for a room in the Tower,” Tony explained. “Specifically, your room. It’s on the same floor as Barnes, and you can decorate it however you want.”

“Seriously?!” Y/N asked, her mouth gaping open. “I have a room here?”

“As much as I love torturing Tin Man, I figured he didn’t need to sleep on the couch every time you slept over,” Tony replied.

“Wow, this is...is this okay with you guys?” Y/N asked, turning to Poe and Finn. They both nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah, sweetheart!” Finn replied. “Tony asked us first, and we think it’s a great idea.”

Satisfied with their answer, Y/N lept up and gave Tony a hug. “Thank you!” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“Anytime, kiddo,” Tony said.

Steve cleared his throat, and Y/N turned to face him.

“This one’s from me,” he said, handing her a box. Y/N tore the paper off and pulled out a large collage picture frame. Steve filled it with various pictures of him, Y/N, and the other Avengers. The words “Friends Forever” was embossed in a fancy cursive at the bottom of the frame.

Y/N carefully traced each picture and smiled at the memories. Steve and Y/N at the top of the Ferris Wheel at Coney Island. Nat and Y/N getting manicures at the spa. Tony and Y/N battling it out on the Wii. Everywhere Y/N looked, she saw happiness. Her happiness, to be exact. It had been so long since she had seen any pictures of herself, and this was a girl she could get used to.

“Steve,” she said, choking back tears, “I love it.” She stood up and Steve met her halfway in a hug.

“Happy birthday, Y/N,” he whispered.

Poe clapped his hands and jumped up. “Okay, last but not least!” He jogged out of the room and came back in wheeling a suitcase wrapped in sparkling blue paper.

“What the heck?” Y/N giggled.

“Just open it,” Finn insisted.

Y/N kept giggling as she pulled off the paper. The suitcase was a sleek navy blue, and Y/N spun it around to admire it.

“This is like the Ferrari of suitcases,” she said, running her hands down the fabric. “Thank you!”

“Open it up,” Poe suggested. Finn gripped his husband’s hand nervously as Y/N tipped the suitcase on its side and unzipped the main compartment. A pair of Mickey ears sat inside, and she carefully held them up. She gasped and looked up at Poe and Finn with excitement.

“We’re going to Disney World?!” she shouted.

“We leave next week!” Poe exclaimed.

Y/N yelped and ran over to tackle them in a hug. She sat back down and stared at her hat adoringly.

“What does the back say?” Bucky prodded.

Turning the ears around, she ran her fingers along the the silver stitching on the back.

“Y/N Dameron,” she read. She furrowed her brows, looked up at Finn and Poe and looked down again. “Dameron?” she asked. “I don’t...I’m not...I don’t understand.”

“There’s still more,” Finn urged, pointing inside the case.

Y/N rifled through the tissue paper and picked up a picture frame.

“This certificate shows,” Y/N read aloud, “that on this day of October 14th, Y/N L/N became a permanent member of the Dameron family.” She stopped and gasped. “Are you...am I…?” she stuttered.

“There’s one more,” Poe said, clutching Finn’s hand tightly.

Y/N moved the frame and took out a manila envelope. Opening it, she bit her lip and tried not to cry as she read the document title.

“Adoption papers?” she whispered. “For real?” Once the first few tears escaped down her cheeks, she couldn’t stop.

Poe and Finn both stood up and knelt down next to her.

“We love you so much,” Poe said, resting his hands on her shoulders.

“We would be honored for you to be our daughter,” Finn added, wiping away her tears. “Officially, anyway,” he laughed. “We’ve thought of you as ours from day one.”

Y/N couldn’t speak as she continued to cry, but she nodded her head vigorously, and wrapped her arms around Poe and Finn, hugging them tight. The other Avengers smiled and wiped away their own tears as Nat recorded everything.

“We love you,” Finn said, squeezing her one more time.

“I love you too,” Y/N replied. “This is amazing. Thank you so much.”

Poe cleared his throat and looked at Bucky. “Hey sweetheart, Bucky’s present is in the front pocket. Why don’t you open it?”

Bucky gulped as Y/N pulled out a box from the small pocket in the front of the suitcase. She opened it and found a charm bracelet inside. Holding it up, she examined the two charms that swung gently from the silver band.

“Is that a cookie?” she asked. Bucky smiled and nodded. “That’s so awesome!” she exclaimed.

“A cookie?” Steve whispered to Nat. “I don’t get it.”

“Shhh!” Nat hissed. “She’s looking at the other one!”

Y/N placed the second charm on her palm. It was a small heart with delicate filigree designs all along the outside. Two words were inscribed in the middle of the heart.

“Goddaughter?” she asked, looking at Bucky in awe. “You want to be my godfather?”

“If you’ll let me,” he replied. “Poe and Finn asked me last week, but I wanted it to be your decision.”

Y/N was silent and stared down at the charms again. Her chin trembled as her emotions overwhelmed her again, and Bucky was terrified he pushed her too far.

“Y/N?” Finn asked, gently.

She finally looked up, her eyes swimming with tears again. “I would really love to be your goddaughter, Bucky,” she announced, her voice cracking. She wiped at her eyes. “Oh come on, I just stopped crying too!”

Everyone chuckled as Y/N and Bucky embraced in a hug.

“Pictures!” Nat called. “We need pictures of the new family!”

Poe and Finn posed with Y/N first, and then Bucky joined in. Their eyes were red, and their cheeks were blotchy from crying. But what really stood out were their smiles. They all grinned from ear to ear, and their eyes sparkled. Their joy shone through as Nat snapped picture after picture.

It was by far the best birthday ever.


	15. I'll Take It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Bucky is watching BB8 for the Damerons, he comes across an opportunity he can't pass up.

The air was cool and crisp as Bucky walked up the steps of the Dameron’s building. He was watching BB8 while Poe, Finn and Y/N were away at Disney World to celebrate Y/N’s adoption. Poe and Finn had invited Bucky to come with, but he had politely declined. This was their time to be together as a family. He and Y/N could do something to celebrate their new status as godfather and daughter when she got back.

He unlocked the door, and an enthusiastic BB8 greeted him with barks and licks.

“Hey, girl,” he said, bending down to scratch her head. BB8 woofed in response and thumped her back leg into the ground as Bucky found her sweet spot. He smiled and got her food from the container under the kitchen sink.

After filling up her bowl, Bucky patiently waited while BB8 scarfed down her food. He gazed out the window. The bright leaves on the big tree in front of the building provided a stark, colorful contrast to the grey sky. The neighborhood was quaint, and Bucky had even gotten comfortable smiling and waving hello at the familiar neighbors he saw. He had been visiting so often that he had become almost a permanent fixture.

“Woof!”

Bucky looked down to see the adorable Corgi bouncing at his feet. “Alright, girl, let’s go.” He took the leash off the hook by the door and set out with BB8 leading the way.

He took their usual path down the street past the cookie shop. She did her business on the corner, and after making sure it was properly disposed of, they walked down another three blocks.

By the time Bucky was ready to turn around, BB8 was already panting and slowing her pace. She absolutely refused to move any farther when they were just over a block away from the apartment.

“C’mon BB8, it’s right down the street!” Bucky exclaimed as he gently yanked on the leash. BB8 sat determinedly on the ground and let out a little snort. Bucky sighed. Y/N had warned him this could happen sometimes.

“I thought small dogs were supposed to have more energy,” he grumbled, trying to think of a game plan to get her back home. An idea came into his head, and he crouched down to her level.

“Do you want a treat?” he asked in a sugary sweet voice. “Does BB8 want a treat?”

BB8’s tongue lolled out of her mouth and she got off her hind legs. Her entire bottom wiggled as she barked and jumped up and down at the sound of her favorite word.

“Let’s go get it then!” Bucky stood up and took off running, praising BB8 as they ran the last block to the apartment. She actually managed to make it the whole way there before collapsing in a panting heap at the bottom stairs. 

“Such a good girl!” Bucky cooed. He scooped her up and decided to carry her up the rest of the stairs.

“Is that BB8?” a voice asked from behind him.

Bucky whirled around to see a young woman standing in the hallway. She walked over to Bucky and smiled.

“Hi, I’m Jane,” the woman said, kindly. “I’m the landlord for the building.” She scratched BB8’s head. “I know who this pretty dog is, but you don’t look like the Damerons.” The words weren’t threatening, but curious.

“I’m Bucky,” he said, holding out his right hand and balancing BB8 in the other. “I’m watching their dog while they’re on vacation.”

“Oh that’s right! Bucky!” Jane replied, tapping her forehead. “They talk about you all the time! Y/N especially.”

Bucky smiled proudly. “She’s my goddaughter, actually.” It was the first time he said the title out loud, but he really liked how it sounded.

“You’re very lucky. She’s an awesome kid. I was so happy to hear the adoption went through.” Jane smiled and gave BB8 one last pat. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to get an apartment ready to show.”

“You have an empty apartment?” Bucky asked, curiously.

Jane nodded. “Yup, the couple worked for the government, and they had a quick transfer overseas. I just managed to get all of their furniture out yesterday, but I still need to clean it.” She sighed and gave Bucky a tired smile. “The work of a landlord never really stops.”

“Can I see it?” Bucky asked suddenly. The words left his mouth before he even had time to process what he was saying.

“See what?” Jane asked.

“The apartment.” He put BB8 on the ground and looked back to Jane.

“I mean, it’s not ready,” Jane stuttered.

“It’s okay,” Bucky assured her.

“Um, well, sure!” Jane replied. “Why don’t we take BB8 back, and we can go take a look.”

Bucky nodded and they walked to the Dameron’s apartment together. He refilled her water bowl and left her to lap away at her heart’s desire.

Jane led the way up to the next floor and opened the door to the recently-vacated apartment. She opened the blinds on the living room window to let in some natural light and let Bucky explore.

“So it’s two bedrooms, one bathroom,” Jane explained, going into tour guide mode. “The living room could easily fit a pull-out couch if you need more sleeping space though.” She smiled sheepishly as Bucky eyed a stain on the carpet. “Please ignore that. I still need to have this place cleaned.”

Bucky nodded and continued to walk around. The layout was similar to Y/N’s place, but it had one less bathroom. The space was just the right size for him, and he could picture a comfy couch and TV adorning the room. With the right pictures and posters on the walls, this could potentially feel like his home.

The living room flowed into an open kitchen, and Bucky admired the fairly new appliances. He traced his fingers over the sleek countertops and smiled. He moved to the empty space where the wall met the edge of the living room. Bucky imagined the space filled with a small, round table where he and Y/N would sit around it eating pancakes on a Sunday morning.

“Can I see the bedrooms?” he asked Jane.

“Sure! Just a heads up, they’re a bit small, but I like to think that they’re pretty cozy.”

Bucky walked into the main bedroom and nodded at the size. It was definitely smaller than his current room, but it was fine. There was a closet and enough room for a dresser or desk. He was more concerned about his goddaughter’s room though.

He strolled over to the second room and noticed it looked almost exactly like Y/N’s current room. The shared bathroom was also small, but it had two sinks and enough space for his stuff. 

“Sooo, what do you think?” Jane asked after Bucky had finished his examination.

“It’s awesome,” he admitted.

“Any chance you want it?” she asked hopefully. “I mean, since the stains didn’t scare you away or anything.”

Bucky had to stop and think. Moving out of the Tower would be a huge step for him and would be one step closer to him making his own decisions. It would be perfect for a fresh start. It’s what he wanted...or is it? Did he really want to leave the safety of the Tower? The safety of his friends?

Then he thought about Y/N. His new, amazing goddaughter. She, Finn, and Poe had done so much for him since they met. He had some setbacks, but he had also made some amazing progress. It would be so nice to be closer to them, and he wanted to take his role of godfather seriously. That would be a lot easier if he didn’t have to worry about missions anymore either.

What was he going to choose?

“Bucky?” Jane asked. “What are you thinking?”

Bucky turned around one more time to absorb his surroundings. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and when he opened them, he knew exactly what he wanted to do.

“I’ll take it.”


	16. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is finally ready to move on with his life.

“I’m moving out,” Bucky announced, unceremoniously. 

Steve stared at him, his spoon halfway to his mouth. He, Nat, and Sam had all been eating breakfast at the island in the kitchen when Bucky walked downstairs. Bucky had decided there was never going to be a “perfect” time to tell Steve the news, so he figured he might as well get it over with quickly.

Sam’s jaw dropped open, and Nat gently grabbed him by the arm and led him out of the kitchen.

“I think that’s our cue to leave,” she whispered, grabbing her bowl of cereal.

“But...he...what?” Sam stuttered as he obediently followed Nat.

The silence between the two super soldiers was deafening. Steve finally put his spoon back in the bowl and took a deep breath.

“You’re what?” he asked.

“I’m moving out.”

“Okay…” Steve trailed off. He composed his thoughts before speaking again. “I completely respect your need for your own space. It’ll be harder to organize missions with you not being in the same building, but we can figure it out and find someplace no one can bother you.”

“I’m not just moving,” Bucky said, sitting down at the island. One look at the serious expression on his face told Steve exactly what his best friend was going to say next.

“I’m quitting too.”

“Quitting as in…?” Steve prompted, needing to hear the whole statement.

“Quitting as in quitting the team,” Bucky finished. “I can’t do this anymore, Stevie. It’s killing me. The missions, the nightmares, I’m tired.” He looked up, and Steve saw the pain in his eyes. “I’m just tired.”

“We can pull you off some,” Steve reasoned. “Give you a break. It’ll be-”

Bucky held up his hand and Steve stopped talking. “C’mon, punk,” he said, sadly. “Even you can see this isn’t working.” He paused and leaned forward. “I’m so grateful for everything you guys have done. Really, I am. But I need to move on. I need to heal. And I can’t do that here.”

Every word coming out of Bucky’s mouth was like a knife stabbing into Steve’s chest. Sure, he knew deep down that Bucky was right, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“Does Y/N have anything to do with this?” he asked, quietly.

“She doesn’t know about this,” Bucky replied quickly, bristling at Steve’s suggestion.

“That’s not what I asked, Buck.”

Bucky sighed and looked down at his hands. “Yeah, she does.” He leaned back in his chair and spoke with more energy and passion. “I’m a godfather, Steve. Do you have any idea what that means to me? I want to watch her graduate high school and grow up and do something good with her life.” He let out a little laugh and shook his head. “I want to be there for her, **_really_** be there. I never got to be there for Becca after the war. But I can be here for Y/N now.”

Steve observed Bucky carefully as he spoke. The defeated tone evaporated and a new, lighter Bucky emerged as he talked about Y/N. His eyes sparkled and his smile widened. There was hope in his voice and a strong conviction. For a second, Steve saw a piece of the old Bucky he used to know.

And at that moment, Steve knew it was time to let his best friend go.

Steve sighed, looked down, and looked back up at Bucky who was practically squirming in his seat, waiting for a response.

“Okay, Buck,” he finally responded, giving him a small smile. “Okay.”

Bucky nearly collapsed with a sigh of relief. “Yeah?” he asked.

Steve chuckled. “Yeah. Do you have a budget figured out?”

“No.”

“Okay...do you know what you’re going to do for money? You’re not gonna get paid if you stop missions.”

“I’m not sure yet,” Bucky admitted, sheepishly. “I have a decent amount saved up. I should be okay for a bit.”

Steve let out an exasperated sigh. “Do you have any plan?”

“Well, I did find a place.”

“That’s awesome!” Steve replied, sincerely. “Do you want me to come and help fill out the paperwork?”

“Actually,” Bucky said, pulling out his key. “I already did.” He smiled proudly at the shiny metal key and placed it on the island.

“Where is it?”

“It’s actually on floor above Y/N’s apartment.” Steve just looked at him. “What?” Bucky asked. “The landlord was getting ready to show the place when I went to let BB8 out!”

“What a coincidence,” Steve smirked.

“Watch it, punk,” Bucky warned, shooting him a cheeky grin. “I can still take you down, you know.”

“Uh huh.” Steve straightened up and got back to business. “When are you moving in?”

“In two days.”

“Two days!” Steve yelped. “You mean we have to get you moved out of here in two days?! That’ll be next to impossible!” He scratched the back of his neck. “We’ll practically need an army,” he muttered.

“Nah, Stevie,” Bucky grinned. “We just need the Avengers.”

* * *

  
It turns out when you have two super soldiers, an assassin, a marksman, an ex-combat veteran, and a genius/billionaire/playboy/philanthropist you can actually get quite a bit done. Nat, Steve, Clint and Sam helped Bucky pack his room up while Tony organized the financial end of Bucky’s resignation. He was able to negotiate a healthy severance package for Bucky, and he wouldn’t need to worry about money for a while. 

The two days flew by as Bucky prepared for his big move. He had texted Poe and Finn to let them know about his new place. They were both ecstatic about his decision and promised to keep it a secret from Y/N until they got home. If everything worked out correctly, he would be all moved in a few hours before they got home from Disney.

Bucky barely slept the night before the move. His room was an empty shell, and most of his belongings were already packed into the U-Haul down in the parking garage. The furniture that he didn’t have for his new apartment was being delivered tomorrow, so really, all he had to do was show up. He tossed and turned with nervous energy as he eagerly anticipated his new life.

* * *

 

“Lift it higher, Sam!” Bucky grunted. He may have incredible strength, but the narrow hallway was proving to be a challenge.

“Zip it, Barnes,” Sam huffed back. “I know what I’m doing.”

“You know,” observed Clint from the doorway, “I bet this would be easier if you-”

“Shut up, Clint!” both men yelled.

Sam and Bucky finally managed to get the couch inside the apartment and left it in the center of the room. Tony was inside Bucky’s bedroom putting together the bedframe in record time. At Bucky’s request, he had already set up the furniture in Y/N’s room. Bucky just got the basics for her room, and he wanted the decorations to be her choice.

Steve and Nat had just finished unpacking brand new dishes and running them through the dishwasher. Clint was basically there to observe and get in everyone’s way.

“I think that covers it Barnes,” Tony said, coming out of the bedroom. “You’re all set up.”

“Thanks, Tony,” Bucky replied, shaking his hand. “For everything.”

Tony gave him a small salute and headed out the door with Clint.

“Don’t be a stranger, Bucky!” Clint called as he walked down the stairs.

Nat smiled and gave Bucky a small kiss on the cheek. “See ya around, Barnes.” She smiled and waited as Sam said his goodbyes.

Sam and Bucky stared each other down for a few minutes before cracking into mischievous grins. “Don’t call me to help move again,” Sam teased. “Getting that couch out of here is going to be a pain in the ass.”

Bucky chuckled. “Don’t worry, Bird Boy, I don’t plan on leaving for a while.”

“Bird jokes? Really, Tin Man?” Sam asked as he stepped back towards Nat. He pretended to be offended, but gave Bucky one last wave before leaving him and Steve alone.

“You’re going to be fine, you know,” Steve said, breaking the silence.

“I know,” Bucky replied, softly. “And hey, it’s not like I’m that far away.”

“No, you’re not,” Steve admitted.

In reality, they both knew things were going to change. There was something convenient about living so close to each other for so long. It had given them a chance to reconnect after all their years apart. But Bucky was ready for something new, and if Steve was being honest with himself, he could definitely see Bucky in this apartment and in this life.

Bucky smiled back and closed the gap between them as he embraced his best friend in a hug. “I love you, Steve,” Bucky whispered, holding him tight.

“Love you too, Buck,” Steve replied. “You are going to be an amazing godfather.”

Steve and Bucky had survived so much, and they had both been sent to hell and back. The fact that they came out of all their turmoil and pain even stronger spoke volumes about their friendship.

“Promise you’ll call if you need anything,” Steve commanded as they pulled away.

“I promise.”

“Tell Y/N I said hello, okay?” Steve asked.

“Tell her yourself,” Bucky retorted. “She’s going to want to see her Uncle Steve, you know.”

Steve raised his eyebrows and smiled. “Oh, it’s Uncle Steve, now, huh?” He let out a small laugh and nodded. “Uncle Steve. I could get used to that.”

Steve walked to the front door and gave Bucky one last smile. “Bye, Bucky.”

“See ya, punk,” Bucky replied, waving. Steve closed the door behind him and Bucky was finally alone.  

Bucky knew it was going to take a few days to get everything completely unpacked. Boxes were strewn all across his floor and counters. Some of them were half openEven though he was exhausted and ready to take a long nap, he couldn’t help but smile at his new apartment.

He was finally home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, friends! I really want to do an epilogue, but I want your input. What do you want to see?


End file.
